Life, Simplified

I could just close all my accounts.
Drop all my online presences.
Remove all aspects of me.

There’s a better way.
Here’s how to find your real friends.
They’re connected online, but
They’re connected offline, as well.

Let’s find the people that actually know you.
The ones that know you don’t fit a mold.
Not all your beliefs align with theirs,
But that’s OK with them.

You have a lot of Facebook friends.
Everybody does.
They make a lot of noise.
Who needs that much volume?

Week One of the cleanse.
Change your Facebook photo to
Ted Cruz for President!
See if your friends list diminishes.

Week Two of the cleanse.
New Facebook photo is now
Hillary in 2016! 
Other friends will drop away.

Two weeks into the process,
You’re losing friends left and right.
(See what I did there?)

Week Three of the cleanse.
Facebook photo becomes
Gay Rights For Everyone!
That will make people wonder.

Week Four of the cleanse.
Facebook photo is Jesus.
Jesus for President 2016!
(Actually, He’s ineligible to run,
Unless He can find a Hawaiian birth certificate.)

Now, see how many “friends”
You have left online.
Maybe you didn’t need that
Many friends after all.

Now, ask your real friends
What they thought about the month.
Some will find it hilarious.
Others will just say you’re insane.

Your real friends are any of them
That didn’t even notice.

Feel better?

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