After the game,
Players and staff are in the bar
And meet with their own kind.
Umpires meet at a secret place,
The Lighthouse for the Blind.
We spend a lot of time
Dwelling on the offense.
Who’s close to a thousand yards?
Who’s got the highest slugging average?
Offense scores points, and points win games.
So, naturally, we get obsessed.
This is wrong.
Sometimes, we should look at the other side.
Defense may seem boring at first.
All it does is prevent points.
However, preventing points helps win, too.
Just ask companies that cut costs
Instead of raising sales.
Some defense can win games.
Say, a double play in the ninth.
You’re out! You’re out, too!
It’s even more beautiful than a home run.
Maybe because there are more people involved.
A home run slugger stands alone.
A double play requires teamwork.
I skipped spring training this year.
I went on a cruise, instead.
Now, I am paying the price.
And not just the verbal abuse.
It’s Opening Weekend,
A three-night home stand.
One more night to go.
I am suffering. Mightily.
I forgot about the late hours.
Games all start at seven.
Now, I’m sleep-deprived and have no time to rest.
I will have to schedule conference calls Monday.
I forgot about the post-game discussions.
First, beer is required. I handled that part.
However, I didn’t do my research on baseball topics,
Such as lack of hitting and boob jobs.
I’m hoping I still make the team,
But I will have to step up my game.
The management is watching.
I hope they let me keep my season tickets.
I will never skip Spring Training again.
Once I was a big fat Cat,
But the cats were chased away.
I returned as an effete cowboy
But only on game day.
Now, I came back as a Hog,
In this life I’ll have to stay.
But I’ll always be an asshole,
It is my one true way.
It’s opening day at last.
We’re tied for first in the division.
100 games to go.
It’s a good sign when the controversy
Is what the new mascot’s name will be.
Ace Bacon is retiring.
So much for all the bacon jokes.
Who knew a huge grey pig in a flight suit
Might freak out some children?
No matter how bad Ace may be,
He will never be the Amarillo Sox
Just Google it.