Author: kjgilhooly

Pets Are Not Children

~ kjgilhooly ~ 1 Comment

Pets are not children,
They don’t even date.
They never go to college,
They can sleep in a crate.

Pets are not children,
Even if they wear clothes.
Do you think about your child,
Where did he last stick that nose?

Pets are not children,
They will play all day long.
And the other parents
Can’t say they’re doing it wrong.

Pets are not children,
They can play all alone.
But when it gets really quiet,
They’re destroying your home.

Pets are not children,
Some would say they’re more.
However, I don’t think my child
Ever peed on the kitchen floor.

Zoned Out

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

I wish I lived on East Coast time.
I’m so tired now, the words don’t rhyme.

This meeting started right at nine,
Or eight bloody AM, Central Time.

Last week, I had a class right after lunch.
So it was during mine, so thanks a bunch.

It could be worse, I always say.
I could live on the Coast, say, in LA.

California is the place you ought to be,
If you want meetings before you can even see.

New York is the center of the universe, fine.
Just stop making us work on New York time.

My True Love

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

She’s warm and brown
She’s the one I chose.
In evening dress,
Or casual clothes.

She helps me elevate my mood.
She gives me her energy.
I want her with me always.
Ah. my beloved coffee.

Life, Simplified

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

I could just close all my accounts.
Drop all my online presences.
Remove all aspects of me.

There’s a better way.
Here’s how to find your real friends.
They’re connected online, but
They’re connected offline, as well.

Let’s find the people that actually know you.
The ones that know you don’t fit a mold.
Not all your beliefs align with theirs,
But that’s OK with them.

You have a lot of Facebook friends.
Everybody does.
They make a lot of noise.
Who needs that much volume?

Week One of the cleanse.
Change your Facebook photo to
Ted Cruz for President!
See if your friends list diminishes.

Week Two of the cleanse.
New Facebook photo is now
Hillary in 2016! 
Other friends will drop away.

Two weeks into the process,
You’re losing friends left and right.
(See what I did there?)

Week Three of the cleanse.
Facebook photo becomes
Gay Rights For Everyone!
That will make people wonder.

Week Four of the cleanse.
Facebook photo is Jesus.
Jesus for President 2016!
(Actually, He’s ineligible to run,
Unless He can find a Hawaiian birth certificate.)

Now, see how many “friends”
You have left online.
Maybe you didn’t need that
Many friends after all.

Now, ask your real friends
What they thought about the month.
Some will find it hilarious.
Others will just say you’re insane.

Your real friends are any of them
That didn’t even notice.

Feel better?

Easter Meditations

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

For God so loved the world,
He sent His only begotten Son.

Apparently, He also sent
Chocolate bunnies and
Multi-colored eggs.

Yet, He also created a week
That is one-seventh Mondays.

After yesterday’s Monday,
I’m thinking He’s batting .500
Which is still not bad.

Death and Taxes

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

I prefer death.

(What? Too short?)

We should be able to
Earmark our tax dollars.
Pick the programs you need.
Pay for what you believe in.

Pick what you want.
Pay for what sounds sexy.
Defund the wasteful.
(Since Congress won’t.)

I bet NASA and the military
Would get fully funded
(from the fly-over states.)
We like guns and astronauts.

Welfare would get slashed,
Because people in power
Just want to help the poor
With your money,
Not with their own.

We’d have less bridges to nowhere.
We’d have less weird studies.
We might have more security.
We might get out of debt.

Do you know why they passed an amendment
For the government to collect income taxes?
Because only an idiot would give
The government his money voluntarily.