Slot Pull

Many ships have casinos.
Casinos help cruises make money.

Cruises need to make money
Since everything else is so cheap.

You can play the slots alone.
Watching your money fade away.

After losing alone gets boring, 
You can join a slot pull. 

A slot pull is a group of people
Taking turns on the same machine. 

A slot pull is actually a triumph
Of peer pressure.

You don’t make money on slots.
You have the receipts to show. 

Slot pullers all know you don’t
Make money playing slots.

So, let’s pool our money,
And we’ll all get rich!

It’s actually a fun way
Spending time with new friends.

If you win,
You share the riches. 

When you lose, 
You share the blame.

Plus, you can wander off
To get another drink.

But turning $20 into $7
Is not really getting rich.

Even if you did spend
An hour playing slots. 


We should be on a ship,
Sailing across the sea.
Yet, we’re stuck at home,
Bored as we can be.

The living room’s our Lido Deck,
But there isn’t much to do.
We don’t have any contests,
There isn’t any pool.

Our buffet is open all day long,
It’s called the kitchen here.
There’s not a wide selection,
And bars don’t have any beer.

We can go out on excursions,
Just like on any cruise.
It’s now a bit like gambling,
With just your life to lose.

The back porch is our balcony,
The back yard’s our open sea,
The view just never changes,
We’re docked at Homestead Quay.


Are we there yet?

I just so love being in the car.
Houston now seems very far.
We’ve been there other times before.
Each time it’s south-er even more.
I really wish you’d let me drive.
I can’t deal with all this right-lane jive.
My eyelids are about to drop.
I think I need a Buc-ee’s stop.
The GPS says two hours to go.
That I didn’t need to know.

Are we there yet?

Adventure Escaped

We are going to get an RV.
It is time to hit the open road.
We will go wherever we wanted.
We will be Grandparent Ninjas,
Swooping in to visit and vanishing.

Off to discover America on the open road.
We would have no schedule to meet.
Sleep wherever we wanted to sleep.
Stay as long as we liked.
Vanish with the wind.

We learned some of the lingo.
I signed up for all the emails.
We watched all the RV programs.
We yelled at all the families
Who obviously picked the wrong unit.

I started a blog because I was serious.
I began mapping our planned journeys.
We would retrace some of the long roads
We had previously traveled by car.
This would be so much less stressful.

Finally we started looking at RVs.
I wanted a Class A like Willie’s bus,
Just with less smoke.
My wife wanted a travel trailer.
She didn’t want to be a bus driver.

Some RVs seemed a wee bit small,
Especially for larger people.
Then, my wife reclined on an RV bed,
With her relatively bad back.
She said, “Where will you sleep?”

We both considered driving with forty feet
Of metal following behind on every turn.
We’d both backed into things in cars.
I wondered how to determine bridge ratings
Before we plunged into a raging river.

Soon we realized it was convenient to
Sleep wherever you wanted to sleep.
Stay as long as you liked.
Have coffee and breakfast in the morning.

We will save a lot of money not getting a RV.
This savings will help cushion the sadness.
Much of the savings will end up going to
Our friends at Hampton Inns worldwide.
We’d drive beds with us but they have them already.

Since we don’t have to drive our beds around,
The rest of the RV savings fund goes to
Our friends at Southwest Airlines.
They go pretty much where we would have driven,
And they actually go faster than my wife.

I’m sad we are not getting an RV.
On the other hand, I can afford the groceries
My wife can fit inside a car, even a rental.
I’m not sure how much of Carfagna’s
She could have fit inside a toy hauler.


Almost two long weeks away.
Approach the door,
And let us pray.
Man, it’s good to be home.

Bathed in happy dog spit,
Just watch the floor
For happy dog shit.
Man, it’s good to be home.

Roll the suitcases away.
One thing we can ignore.
We’ll unpack another day.
Man, it’s good to be home.


Metal Tubes.
They keep things safe.
Cigars, for example.

My cigar is in cellophane.
Yours is in a metal tube.
Game over.
You win.

So, you would think
A metal tube would be cool.
Not always.

I was in a metal tube yesterday.
Two of them, in fact.
Now, I feel like death,
Warmed over.

If you have a treasured cigar,
Don’t put wings on its metal tube.
You will have a cigar with a fever.