Accounting Review

Accounting is finally done.
Except for the final exam.
So, I will say once again,
Oh, how I hate Accounting.

Accounting is just basic math.
Accounting class is calculus.
Calculus as in:
As pages approach the end of the book,
Chances of napping approach infinity.

I do not like credits and debits.
I do not like them, Sam I Am.

This should all be in a red font.
Because it is extremely negative.

Verbal Tics

I am at an age where
I notice certain things.
I am at an age where
I notice annoying things.
Literally.

One of those this things
Infected a YouTube video
That my wife was watching.
I could literally hear the audio
Even though she was across the room.
Literally.

A lot of people have verbal tics.
They will literally say them
All the time.
It’s cringe-inducing.
Literally.

My tic is that I say “Um”.
I literally say “Um”
All the time.

I might even be saying “Um”
While I’m trying to write this,
But I promise I will edit them out.
Actually, I don’t type them,
I just hear them in my head.
Literally.

So, if I say “Um” to you,
It means my brain is working.
Perhaps.
People should just have a LED
On their forehead that says,
“Working.”
Literally.

Tax Days

All the numbers that I just copied,
Say “This info furnished to the IRS.”
That’s so nice and easy.
The Feds don’t have to guess.

If they have the info already,
And they design the forms to fill.
Why don’t they just do our taxes?
Then just send us out our bill.

Weekend

Weekends should be restful.
A time to recharge and relax.
This weekend, my schedule is not.
I have mentoring, a funeral,
A birthday party and more mentoring.
Plus, homework and taxes.
Can’t I just go to work instead?

Homework

I took accounting in college.
It was forty years ago.
Twice as long as Sgt. Pepper.
My knowledge has been fully depreciated.
(At least I remember some terms.)

Now, I have to take it again.
It is as brutal as I recalled.
Perhaps even more brutal,
Because the world discovered QuickBooks,
And our instructor has not.

I love accounting!
Said no one ever.
Well, except for
Some college friends,
Who are all now CPAs.

Perhaps CPA is a warning label,
Not a prestigious title.
People to avoid at parties.
Just sayin’.
(No offense to any CPAs.)

I remembered my CPA friends this week.
They seemed so normal back then.
This is to their credit.
Or perhaps to their debit.
Who the hell knows?

Parenthood

Can someone hold my child?
I am so completely enraged,
I probably should not
Be near him currently.

There is a wide, black trail of
Instant Coffee, running from
My kitchen to the bedroom.
Across my new white carpet.

My husband said he calls it,
“The Trail of Tears.”
Someone should hold him, too.
In case this becomes a rampage.

Deep breaths.
Deep, cleansing breaths.
Maybe a glass of Chardonnay.
It’s better now. Somewhat.

It’s just a very messy line.
It will all come out in the wash.
It’s not really grounds for murder.
It’s not even grounds for divorce.

Grounds.
He he he he.
I crack me up.
I better start cleaning.

Country Klutz

Just got paid,
Got a brand new car.
Time to grab my baby,
Head to the ER.

Gonna ask her Momma,
Have to ask my Dad,
“Do you think it’s broken?”
“‘Cause she’s limpin’ real bad.”

Time to get married,
Gonna get her a ring.
Just as soon as a doctor
Inspects that wasp sting.

Today’s at the orthopedist,
Hopping through the door.
I have a bad case of deja vu,
‘Cause we’ve been here before.

When she hears or sees an insect,
She’ll attempt a triple lutz.
She’s on the ground, whimpering.
I’m married to a klutz.

Taxes

Editor’s Note: Last year, I “retired”, so my taxes this year were insane. I don’t see a lot of benefits from my payments.

I paid my taxes online.
That way, I don’t have
To drive on broken roads,
To a unsafe neighborhood,
To the understaffed Post Office,
To find out it’s closed.
What do my taxes finance?