Work Day

I need my lunch.
I have to pee.
I need a break.
I need coffee.

We’ve been conferencing
Since nine this morn.
It seems like it’s been
Since I was born.

There can’t be this much to do.
There can’t be more slides.
I want to stretch my legs.
I want off my backsides.

Amen.

Was “NotAmazon Co.” taken?

I would write about Kyndryl
Like many analysts now will.
But it’s just too stupid a name.

I assume a Millennial committee
In some overcrowded city
Took months to create this stupid name.

Some marketing manager said,
“Alas, the old IBM is dead!”
“Just don’t buy a vowel.”

As a new corporate name.
I find it quite inane.
And it fights Amazon and Google.

A division that was once vaunted
But at last no longer wanted.
Why not just name it “Ginny”?

Friday

The future is no longer bleak.
We made it through another week.
Wednesday, I wouldn’t bet this way.
And yet, tomorrow’s Saturday.

Two days to rest and recoup.
Time for salads and for soup.
That was a joke, people.
Time for pizza and sundaes.

A lot of meetings passed me by.
I went to them all, and did not cry.
I learned a lot and stored it away.
It’s all forgotten by next Monday.

Crack of Dawn

One last meeting
Before I can go home.
But I’m in India,
So it’s your first meeting.

Video conferencing is the bomb.
Teams can be anywhere,
And still can get together.
The world is one conference room.

It’s 5:30pm in Bangalore.
It’s 2:00pm in Budapest.
It’s 7:00am in Dallas.
We can still all meet.

I’m the one in Dallas.
I haven’t had enough coffee.
There may not be enough coffee.
Time zones are a bitch.

Corporate Avenue

Start at the corner of Hope and Innocence,
Follow Hope South until it becomes Despair.
Your career progresses as you go,
Nothing vodka or Prozac won’t repair.

Keeping going down Despair,
You’ll know when you are through.
It dead ends at Retirement.
Alongside Corporate Avenue.

Corporate Avenue is a long, hard road.
There are twists and turns and merges,
You have to find a decent driver,
Then hope he survives the purges.

I’ve been driven off a cliff.
I’ve been driven into walls.

I remember drivers drinking,
While they suffered through the drive.

I remember changing drivers,
While we were doing sixty-five.

The only thing that bothers me,
It often shakes me to my core.
Is how many times along the way,
I know I’ve seen that house before.

Technology

 

I’m getting the feeling that
We have a generation that can’t read.
You have to show them graphics – not text,
And it’s really best to have a movie.

I love technology,
But not for it’s own sake.
Let’s not use it just because
The CEO overpaid for it.

If you have something to say,
Just email or call me.
I’ll respond if required.
Don’t send a link to your blog.

If you have an announcement,
Just make it.
Don’t make me watch a video
A week from Tuesday.

Worst of all now days,
Is the video blog,
Where some minor exec
Reads you his email.

The issue with video blogs,
At least for me,
Is that you see how poorly
Some of these people present.

Please send your foils out first.
(I’m old. They’re not slides. They’re foils.)
I will happily read your foils.
Then, I will think to myself,
“How can this take an hour to present?”

When I read someone’s foils,
My usual thought is,
“Wow. That’s an hour I would have wasted.”
Then, I hang up and go back to work.

Here’s the thing people miss these days.
Work is not an action movie.
There is little action at all sometimes.
So why pretend it’s exciting?

If you’re going to pretend it’s exciting,
Let’s have a video game presentation.
Everyone could watch from home,
And interact with the presenter.

Hit the CEO in the nose,
She has to go on to the next slide.
Blow the CEO up,
That’s lunch, everybody!

That could actually be fun.
She couldn’t just stand and read.
Just send me the foils first,
So I know what was supposed to be said.