Sea Shanty Italiano

Sea shanties are always about the sea. This is, of course, unfair. There are plenty of worthy subjects for sea shanties, and plenty of other occupations (say, cooking or gossip) where having a way to keep a group in rhythm would be helpful.

To the tune of Drunken Sailor

What do you do with a Wife Italian?
What do you do with a Wife Italian?
What do you do with a Wife Italian,
Sometime late mid-morning?

Way, hey, it needs more garlic!
Way, hey, it needs more garlic!
Oy vey, it needs more garlic,
Sometime late mid-morning!

Don’t wake her up or she might cut you!
Don’t wake her up or she might cut you!
Don’t wake her up or she might cut you,
Sometime late mid-morning!

Way, hey, it needs more garlic!
Way, hey, it needs more garlic!
Oy vey, it needs more garlic,
Sometime late mid-morning!

Wake up the dogs, and let them wake her!
Wake up the dogs, and let them wake her!
Wake up the dogs, and let them wake her,
Sometime late mid-morning!

Way, hey, it needs more garlic!
Way, hey, it needs more garlic!
Oy vey, it needs more garlic,
Sometime late mid-morning?

Quiet in the house, let’s watch her stories!
Quiet in the house, let’s watch her stories!
Quiet in the house, let’s watch her stories,
Sometime late mid-morning?

Way, hey, it needs more garlic!
Way, hey, it needs more garlic!
Oy vey, it needs more garlic,
Sometime late mid-morning!

Time for the news, let’s call her sisters!
Time for the news, let’s call her sisters!
Time for the news, let’s call her sisters,
Sometime late mid-morning!

Way, hey, it needs more garlic!
Way, hey, it needs more garlic!
Oy vey, it needs more garlic,
Sometime late mid-morning!

Read another book by Nora Roberts!
Read another book by Nora Roberts!
Read another book by Nora Roberts,
Sometime late mid-morning!

Way, hey, it needs more garlic!
Way, hey, it needs more garlic!
Oy vey, it needs more garlic,
Sometime late mid-morning!

Visit Amazon, and buy her trinkets!
Visit Amazon, and buy her trinkets!
Visit Amazon, and buy her trinkets,
Sometime late mid-morning!

Way, hey, it needs more garlic!
Way, hey, it needs more garlic!
Oy vey, it needs more garlic,
Sometime late mid-morning!

Feed her an Eggplant Parmigiana!
Feed her an Eggplant Parmigiana!
Feed her an Eggplant Parmigiana,
Sometime late mid-morning!

Way, hey, it needs more garlic!
Way, hey, it needs more garlic!
Oy vey, it needs more garlic,
Sometime late mid-morning!

Douse her with water and watch her melting!
Douse her with water and watch her melting!
Douse her with water and watch her melting,
Sometime late mid-morning!

Way, hey, it needs more garlic!
Way, hey, it needs more garlic!
Oy vey, it needs more garlic,
Sometime late mid-morning!

What do you do with a Wife Italian?
What do you do with a Wife Italian?
What do you do with a Wife Italian,
Sometime late mid-morning?

Wikipedia the Poet

Editor’s Note: The last sentence of the opening section of five random Wikipedia articles, broken into lines. Imagined art.

For the first time since 2007,
and for only the third time
in the Bowl Championship Series era,
no team from an automatic-qualifying
BCS conference finished the
season with an undefeated record.

During that time,
a list of organisms was compiled
which included land and freshwater mollusks.
46 species of snails and slugs 
(non-marine gastropods) were found,
as well as 20 species of freshwater bivalves,
freshwater clams and mussels.

A Perfect Night to Go to China 
is a novel by David Gilmour,
published in 2005.
It won the 2005 Governor General’s Award 
for English-language fiction.

Its population as of
the 2010 Census was 75;
down from 112 recorded
in the 2002 Census.

Aegialeus (Ancient Greek: Αἰγιαλεύς) was
the fifth strategos (elected general)
of the Achaean League in Ancient Greece
who served for only a year, 242–241 BC.

Articles:

  • https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2011_NCAA_Division_I_FBS_football_season
  • https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_non-marine_mollusks_of_the_Indiana_Dunes
  • https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Perfect_Night_to_Go_to_China
  • https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yuryakh-Kyuyore
  • https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aegialeus_(strategos)

Pet Parents

My funny little puppy
Jumps where he is able.
So, we all eat standing up,
Instead of at the table.

My sleepy little puppy
Unlocks his crate with his snout.
It’s impressive that he can get in,
We’re glad he can’t get out.

My skinny little puppy
Always sheds his hair.
He could be very, very large.
But he’s spread out everywhere.

My crazy little puppy
Always wants a snack.
She never can relax at all
We’ll feed her Doggie Prozac.

Drawing a Blank

I’m not sure what goes here today.
I don’t know what I want to say.
So, I sit and watch the clock.
Trying to cure my writer’s block.

I could attempt some more haiku.
There should be something more to do.
This should be a meaningful account,
Not just a specific syllable count.

So, I will sit and watch the screen.
My imagination has been wiped clean.
Eventually, a concept will arrive.
As disco taught, I will survive.

Old School

This is old school writing.
It is how I learned to write.
It is probably not for the
“younger generation.”

I write my thoughts.
Sometimes they rhyme.
People read my thoughts.
Sometimes they complain.

Nowadays, this should not
Just be words in stanzas.
There should be a video.
It would have me reading.

I would read the poem.
This way, you can just listen.
While you listen,
You can see me.

Nobody wants that.
Maybe just the words
Scrolling on the screen.
A lyric poem.

Watching it takes longer
Than just reading it.
Plus, before the video,
You can see an ad or two.

Also, the rest of the page
Should have stories about
My life, my wife, my dogs.
Anything that inspired me.

I am sorry, but I am old.
You do not have to film words.
You do not have to read to me.
I can read it by myself.