Dying Battery Blues

Dying smoke detectors will beep beep beep.
This of course while I was trying to sleep.
I heard it dying, yet beeping away.
Saying, “Your wife should have fixed this yesterday.”

Simple fix – she took the battery out.
But then the alarm began to pout.
Pouting is a long anguished scream.
It is worse than a battery out of steam.

No more napping time will it allow
It wants a battery and it wants it now.
We had an extra one on hand.
Or it would be buried in the sand.

Everyone else went back to bed.
I will go to work sleepy instead.
The smoke alarm doesn’t make a peep.
Which is certainly better than beep beep beep.

Wikipedia the Poet

Editor’s Note: The last sentence of the opening section of five random Wikipedia articles, broken into lines. Imagined art.

For the first time since 2007,
and for only the third time
in the Bowl Championship Series era,
no team from an automatic-qualifying
BCS conference finished the
season with an undefeated record.

During that time,
a list of organisms was compiled
which included land and freshwater mollusks.
46 species of snails and slugs 
(non-marine gastropods) were found,
as well as 20 species of freshwater bivalves,
freshwater clams and mussels.

A Perfect Night to Go to China 
is a novel by David Gilmour,
published in 2005.
It won the 2005 Governor General’s Award 
for English-language fiction.

Its population as of
the 2010 Census was 75;
down from 112 recorded
in the 2002 Census.

Aegialeus (Ancient Greek: Αἰγιαλεύς) was
the fifth strategos (elected general)
of the Achaean League in Ancient Greece
who served for only a year, 242–241 BC.

Articles:

  • https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2011_NCAA_Division_I_FBS_football_season
  • https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_non-marine_mollusks_of_the_Indiana_Dunes
  • https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Perfect_Night_to_Go_to_China
  • https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yuryakh-Kyuyore
  • https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aegialeus_(strategos)

2020 Vision

On the first day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me.
A bad case of COVID-19.

On the other days of Christmas,
We were self-quarantined,
And I didn’t get squat.
I hate 2020.

Twenty-twenty
I stayed at home.
I lost my job.
I drank alone.

It sucked at first.
It sucked galore.
It sucked all summer,
Then, it sucked some more.

Just two weeks,
Then just two months,
Then “By the Fall”,
Now, this blows chunks.

It has to be better.
2021 can’t be this bad.
Eat your black-eyed peas.
Let’s not be sad.

Insomnia

Every single night,
Between the dusk and dawn.
I wake up with a fright,
To find my lover gone.

Is she visiting the bathroom?
Did she go to poop or pee?
If so, she’ll be back soon.
Flushed with victory.

Could she not fall asleep?
Did she move to the recliner?
Did she find another cabin?
Am I on an ocean liner?

Did she go to walk the dog?
I heard no toenails on the floor.
Did she leave for someone else?
Does she not love me anymore?

Did she flee to see her sister?
Did I do something wrong?
That’s probably not the answer,
She wasn’t gone that long.

Did she need a midnight snack?
Perhaps she’s feeling yucky.
Was she murdered in her sleep?
I would never be that lucky.

Quarantine Learning

While we are all here on lockdown,
Just sitting at home has lost its thrills.
So, I am working on self-improvement.
I am taking the time to increase my skills.

Last week, I studied to be a mob boss.
I learned to show no mercy.
Now, I have to find my associates.
I just don’t want to move to Jersey.

This week, I learned to be a King.
Assuming it’s like being a Queen.
I will kindly rule my Empire,
I need a crown and some caffeine.

Today, I learned to run a crab boat.
“Captain” has been on my bucket list.
Now, I just need to get a boat.
Then, I have a crew to enlist.

I was learning to be a survivor,
But it didn’t last too long.
It’s just office committee politics,
Where the weak outvote the strong.

Next week, I’ll run a rescue,
Although it may be life or death.
It doesn’t sound too difficult,
I hear you need tigers and some meth.


Sixty

Raise a glass, shed a tear, I’m getting old, the end is near.

Happy Birthday to me.
I’ll just watch some TV.
We’re all still on lockdown.
Happy Birthday to me.

I planned a little birthday trip,
It would’ve been quite fun.
Now, we’re quarantined at home,
The trip has been undone.

Sixty will be a Facetime birthday.
“It’s fun!”, my dear wife said.
I’ll see my brother’s smiling face,
And the top of my Mom’s head.

Happy Birthday to me.
I loathe Twenty-Twenty.
I’m going stir-crazy,
Happy Birthday to me.