Technology

 

I’m getting the feeling that
We have a generation that can’t read.
You have to show them graphics – not text,
And it’s really best to have a movie.

I love technology,
But not for it’s own sake.
Let’s not use it just because
The CEO overpaid for it.

If you have something to say,
Just email or call me.
I’ll respond if required.
Don’t send a link to your blog.

If you have an announcement,
Just make it.
Don’t make me watch a video
A week from Tuesday.

Worst of all now days,
Is the video blog,
Where some minor exec
Reads you his email.

The issue with video blogs,
At least for me,
Is that you see how poorly
Some of these people present.

Please send your foils out first.
(I’m old. They’re not slides. They’re foils.)
I will happily read your foils.
Then, I will think to myself,
“How can this take an hour to present?”

When I read someone’s foils,
My usual thought is,
“Wow. That’s an hour I would have wasted.”
Then, I hang up and go back to work.

Here’s the thing people miss these days.
Work is not an action movie.
There is little action at all sometimes.
So why pretend it’s exciting?

If you’re going to pretend it’s exciting,
Let’s have a video game presentation.
Everyone could watch from home,
And interact with the presenter.

Hit the CEO in the nose,
She has to go on to the next slide.
Blow the CEO up,
That’s lunch, everybody!

That could actually be fun.
She couldn’t just stand and read.
Just send me the foils first,
So I know what was supposed to be said.

Meetings

Here’s what you will often hear,
When you are trapped in a meeting.
The worst are the ones where everybody
Has to go around and update status.

Many people are very gifted at status updates.
They can make their project seem very important.
Golly! That project requires a lot of people.
I wish I had a project like that!

Most of those reports
Do not make me wish for that project.
They make me wish I had a vodka tonic.
Maybe three.

Here’s an example, which is close to real-life:

“At this point, we are waiting for the brand team,
Who are currently in their quarterly update meetings,
The results of which are due at the end of the month.
After those updates are validated and certified,
Our team will negotiate the use of their results,
Which will save us approximately three weeks.
If we do not get to use their results,
We will spend two weeks producing our own.
The hardware is still on back-order at this time,
But we’re expecting updates from the Singapore team,
Perhaps as early as next week,
Depending on whether the local holiday slows production.
Those delivery updates will help us revise the final schedule,
Which will be then communicated at that time.
Once the hardware is in place in the lab,
We will be able to estimate the time required
To install and patch the base-level software,
Although we are considering just
Moving development to the cloud,
Which might require a retro-fit and design update.
We are on hold for the marketing team,
Who is completing the new brand marketing plan.
This will require us to update our labeling.
We may also have to update our documentation.
We have been in close contact with the other developers,
To make sure that all of our APIs are consistent.
We are also mapping to the original specifications,
Rather than the updates from the previous manager.”

This means:

“There’s been no change since last week.”

Taking Flight

A frazzled Mama Bird said
“I know what would be best.”
Then she smiled at Baby Bird,
And kicked him out the nest.

As he headed towards the ground,
You could almost hear him mutter,
“I’m not sure that I can fly.”
“Right now, I seem to flutter.”

Then, he saw four dogs.
From the corner of his eye.
Baby Bird said in a panic,
“I believe I can fly.”

Questions to the Dog

Verse Number One
Do you want to go out with me?
Just in case you have to pee?
Oh, you already have, I see.
I’ll get the mop and your Mommy.

Verse Number Two
Tell me, what is that vile smell?
Are we entering the Gates of Hell?
Is it that you’re not feeling well?
I’m going out for a breathing spell.

Praise the Lord there’s no verse number three.

I Got Nothin’

“Write a poem a day for a month.”
Sayeth NaPoWriMo.
How hard can that be?
April’s only a thirty-day month.

Hmmm.
I’m really stuck this time.
It happens every year.
Usually, once a day or so.

I need an idea.
I tried to order one,
From Amazon Prime,
But it won’t arrive until tomorrow.

It would be nice if you could
Order an idea from Amazon.
I know a few people
That could use a place
To get a clue.

Hank, The Towering Lilac

Once upon a time, in California,
There lived a giant redwood, named Hank.
Hank was a proud tree,
But something bothered him.

One day, Hank bravely said,
“I’m a lilac bush, dammit!”
All the other redwoods had a good laugh,
But Hank insisted.

One by one, the other trees
Decided that if Hank believed
He was a lilac bush,
It must be true.

A couple of the trees still
Thought Hank might be crazy.
But, they decided that silence
Might help keep the peace.

Many trees were happy to have
A different kind of plant
In the midst of the forest.
Hank, their own lilac bush.

In the Spring, all the trees
Watched their lilac, waiting
They all wanted to see Hank bloom.
They waited and hoped.

It was a very long wait.
They could hear Hank straining
As he tried to produce flowers.
Pushing as hard as he could.

Finally, a wise old owl
Landed on the lilac bush.
The owl looked at Hank.
The owl said, “You’re a redwood, dumbass.”

Responsorial Psalm

Today’s psalm is from Meetings, 9am – 10am.

Our response is: “Hey! Great idea, boss!”

“I see that our standing committee has not provided any input for efficiencies. I have decided to terminate the committee.”

R: “Hey! Great idea, boss!”

“Since the committee failed, we will split the members into three working groups, who can each meet twice a week.”

R: “Hey! Great idea, boss!”

“With six times as many meetings, we are bound to find ways to be more efficient even more quickly than before.”

R: “Hey! Great idea, boss!”

Let us pray.

Strings

I found an old guitar,
Up in the attic at my Mom’s.
She said it was my Grandpa’s.
He would play it on the lawn.

I never knew he had one.
I never knew he played.
Yet, I could almost hear him,
As I saw the strings were frayed.

I took it from the attic,
I had it cleaned and tuned.
I tried to learn to play it.
I wanted music to resume.

I wonder if he wrote a song.
I wonder what he played.
I’d like to sing it with him.
My memories ceased to fade.

When you’re listening to a concert,
Watching some now famous star,
You should think about his Grandpa.
And wonder if he played guitar.

 

Time Passing

I have a seven am meeting.
I have a meeting at nine.
I have another at ten,
At least that one is mine.

I have a meeting at one.
I have a meeting at two.
Last one at nine in the evening.
I wish it weren’t true.

Web conferences bring us closer,
Of this I make no bones,
It’s just they don’t solve the issue
Of our pesky time zones.