Once upon a time, in California,
There lived a giant redwood, named Hank.
Hank was a proud tree,
But something bothered him.

One day, Hank bravely said,
“I’m a lilac bush, dammit!”
All the other redwoods had a good laugh,
But Hank insisted.

One by one, the other trees
Decided that if Hank believed
He was a lilac bush,
It must be true.

A couple of the trees still
Thought Hank might be crazy.
But, they decided that silence
Might help keep the peace.

Many trees were happy to have
A different kind of plant
In the midst of the forest.
Hank, their own lilac bush.

In the Spring, all the trees
Watched their lilac, waiting
They all wanted to see Hank bloom.
They waited and hoped.

It was a very long wait.
They could hear Hank straining
As he tried to produce flowers.
Pushing as hard as he could.

Finally, a wise old owl
Landed on the lilac bush.
The owl looked at Hank.
The owl said, “You’re a redwood, dumbass.”