Anything you need,
Just use the app.
Don’t open the door,
Leave it on the mat.

To meet your team,
You just use Zoom.
You won’t even be
In the same room.

If you need a friend,
There’s online chat.
If you need a date,
Let’s not talk about that.

Defeat the virus!
Just stay home!
The problem is
We’re all alone.

Questions of the Day

The government writes checks to take up the slack,
Why are people so happy to get their own money back?

The government knows where to send everyone’s cash,
So is the census just doing a rehash?

Lord, what a failure this program has been.
Why do we trust these bastards again?

Tax Days

All the numbers that I just copied,
Say “This info furnished to the IRS.”
That’s so nice and easy.
The Feds don’t have to guess.

If they have the info already,
And they design the forms to fill.
Why don’t they just do our taxes?
Then just send us out our bill.


Editor’s Note: Last year, I “retired”, so my taxes this year were insane. I don’t see a lot of benefits from my payments.

I paid my taxes online.
That way, I don’t have
To drive on broken roads,
To a unsafe neighborhood,
To the understaffed Post Office,
To find out it’s closed.
What do my taxes finance?

Obama Kool-Aid

I don’t know about you,
But I never drank Obama Kool-Aid.
I’m glad I didn’t.

First of all,
Some misunderstood youth
Stole the flavor packets
From a grocery store.

The water was all donated,
But it might have lead in it,
So drink around it,
Or just hold your nose.

The volunteer women who mix it,
Deserve at least $15 per hour,
And they keep using their penises
To stir it all up.

Luckily, the recipe is on the packet.
Since the White House recipe was lost.
It was securely mailed to Hillary,
And she kept it on her server.

The other big problem so far,
Is that the ice keeps melting,
But not nearly as fast as people predicted.
Scientists are examining this.

The original price was forty-nine cents
And that was for a sixteen-ounce glass.
But, with the amount of people each glass supports,
It’s now seven thousand dollars for six ounces.

Seven thousand dollars is a lot for a drink,
But luckily, there are people who don’t want it,
So they will pay for yours.
They deserve to pay for yours.

You can have any flavor you want,
As long as you want cherry.
Remember, dead Chicagoans prefer it
Two to one over any other beverage.

You have to use a special glass.
You might have been told you could use your glass,
But that was incorrect.
The government will sell you the glass.

If you’ve drunk the Kool-Aid,
You may want to brush your teeth.