I was visiting a theme park this week.
It is called “London.”
There is a similar one closer to home.
It’s called “New York.”
Both parks have workers called “natives.”
They are paid to ignore visitors in the park.
Some are apparently paid to be rude to visitors.
Don’t be offended.
It’s just their job.
Both are role-playing parks.
You are called a “tourist.”
Just dress like you would at home.
There’s no set tourist uniform.
Some tourists do like matching t-shirts.
Some wear funny hats.
Avoid these people.
They are über-tourists.
They are dorks.
Both parks have hidden places to buy supplies.
If you buy supplies at stores for tourists,
You can get over-charged. A lot.
For example, water can cost $2 per bottle.
This is a rip-off, of course.
However, tourist water can be three times that.
It has a flag or map printed on the label.
The label makes it cost more.
So, you have to follow natives and see where they go.
This is challenging, because they are ignoring you.
(Again, some are being rude.)
Places natives go have slightly less outrageous prices.
Most of the time.
Finding natives means finding people that don’t look lost.
People that do look lost are other tourists and you avoid them.
You lose points with natives if you are seen with other tourists.
Both parks have one main thrill ride.
In New York, it’s the “Subway.”
In London, it’s the “Tube.”
(It’s the same basic ride.)
On both, you try to avoid annoying any natives.
On the longer version of the ride, you avoid getting robbed.
(Look out for guns and knives on the New York ride.)
You must dodge tourists who are dragging luggage around.
Some tourists have children with them.
Some have both. These are the worst.
Don’t run into them.
If they hit you, you lose points.
Luggage is heavy.
The goal of the ride is to get where you’re going.
You just can’t look anyone in the eye.
Eye contact is a way to lose.
Asking directions loses you points with natives.
Giving other tourists wrong directions is a foul.
Unless they are funny, like sending them to the wrong stop.
This will amuse the natives, if they know you are lying.
If you are lost, too, they will be rude to you.
For experienced tourists, find the shortest route to win.
In the beginner’s game, just get back alive.
This ride can take all day.
If you get tired of the Tube ride game,
London also has a bonus game.
It is called “Find a Drink with Ice.”
This is for advanced tourists only.
Natives can not help with this one.
Enjoy your time in the park!