Anything you need,
Just use the app.
Don’t open the door,
Leave it on the mat.
To meet your team,
You just use Zoom.
You won’t even be
In the same room.
If you need a friend,
There’s online chat.
If you need a date,
Let’s not talk about that.
Defeat the virus!
Just stay home!
The problem is
We’re all alone.
February was my 20th Anniversary.
We were going for a cruise.
So, in January, I broke my foot.
Oh, plus my ankle, too.
Cruise canceled.
Well, next year is 21.
That's almost the same.
Staying home.
Avoiding all others.
Well, it will be over by May.
May, when we visit grandkids.
Wait. What?
Scrap that trip.
We have a Christmas cruise.
Yes, I know about cruises.
I'm not hopeful.
2019 kinda sucked.
2020 said, "Hold my beer."
I'm too old for this.
March, I was out of the splint.
I was out of the cast.
I was into a boot.
So, now I can travel.
It's my 60th birthday.
Time for a road trip.
Wait. What?
Every single night,
Between the dusk and dawn.
I wake up with a fright,
To find my lover gone.
Is she visiting the bathroom?
Did she go to poop or pee?
If so, she’ll be back soon.
Flushed with victory.
Could she not fall asleep?
Did she move to the recliner?
Did she find another cabin?
Am I on an ocean liner?
Did she go to walk the dog?
I heard no toenails on the floor.
Did she leave for someone else?
Does she not love me anymore?
Did she flee to see her sister?
Did I do something wrong?
That’s probably not the answer,
She wasn’t gone that long.
Did she need a midnight snack?
Perhaps she’s feeling yucky.
Was she murdered in her sleep?
I would never be that lucky.
Washing constantly.
Staring at the same four walls.
Slowly losing mind.
Bored.
Oh, Lord.
I’m bored.
Working at home.
(Like I was before.)
Let me explain.
In January,
I broke my ankle.
Broke my foot as well.
The doctor asked,
“This was one fall?”
Splint, boot, cast, boot.
My doctor said I should stay off it.
Avoid traveling.
So, I was stuck at home.
My wife said, “At least you work at home.”
Annoyed.
Very annoyed.
But it was my fault.
April,
I can walk!
I’m free at last!
Bad timing.
Everyone said,
“Stay home!”
“Avoid everyone!”
“Work at home!”
“Don’t travel!”
So, it’s pretty much
Like breaking my foot again.
Except I didn’t.
So, I’m annoyed.
And, I’m bored.
Oh, Lord.
I’m bored.
Two weeks in a splint.
Don’t touch the ground!
Don’t breathe on it!
It’s a marathon, not a sprint.
Three weeks in a cast.
Don’t touch the ground!
Don’t scratch inside it!
The time will go by fast.
Four weeks in a boot.
Don’t touch the ground!
Don’t get it wet!
You’ve really learned to scoot.
One final week in the boot.
You may walk, if you please.
Please wash it!
You smell of old coot.
Ten weeks later,
It’s just a foot again.
(Still limping a bit.)
Accounting is finally done.
Except for the final exam.
So, I will say once again,
Oh, how I hate Accounting.
Accounting is just basic math.
Accounting class is calculus.
Calculus as in:
As pages approach the end of the book,
Chances of napping approach infinity.
I do not like credits and debits.
I do not like them, Sam I Am.
This should all be in a red font.
Because it is extremely negative.
I am at an age where
I notice certain things.
I am at an age where
I notice annoying things.
Literally.
One of those this things
Infected a YouTube video
That my wife was watching.
I could literally hear the audio
Even though she was across the room.
Literally.
A lot of people have verbal tics.
They will literally say them
All the time.
It’s cringe-inducing.
Literally.
My tic is that I say “Um”.
I literally say “Um”
All the time.
I might even be saying “Um”
While I’m trying to write this,
But I promise I will edit them out.
Actually, I don’t type them,
I just hear them in my head.
Literally.
So, if I say “Um” to you,
It means my brain is working.
Perhaps.
People should just have a LED
On their forehead that says,
“Working.”
Literally.
All the numbers that I just copied,
Say “This info furnished to the IRS.”
That’s so nice and easy.
The Feds don’t have to guess.
If they have the info already,
And they design the forms to fill.
Why don’t they just do our taxes?
Then just send us out our bill.
Weekends should be restful.
A time to recharge and relax.
This weekend, my schedule is not.
I have mentoring, a funeral,
A birthday party and more mentoring.
Plus, homework and taxes.
Can’t I just go to work instead?