Author: kjgilhooly

Mo(u)rning

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

Woke up my laptop this morning,
Immediate Blue Screen of Death.
Time to go make coffee,
Then stop and catch my breath.

A cold and dead laptop.
This is not how to start a day.
Of course, it means a half-hour
To restart and pray.

I really hate Windows.
Every version seems slower.
My expectations were low,
But they’re falling still lower.

My company wants me to upgrade.
“Go to Linux”, they said.
But their products are on Windows.
It’s really hurting my head.

The coffee is ready,
My laptop is restarted.
It’s time for the morning,
Not for the faint-hearted.

Pop Country Blues – The Girl From New York City

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

Editor’s Note: There are only so many stories you can tell, and sometimes, the same stories get told different ways. Blind John Ellsworth would occasionally recycle his basic stories, and assume since the target audiences were different, nobody would ever know. For example, what happens if some poor boy meets the same girl in a pop song, a country song and a blues song? These are the stories of the girl from New York City.

Pop

I met a girl
In New York City.
Her friends were loud,
But she was pretty.

We fell in love
All summer long.
When autumn came,
Our love was strong.

We married in Spring,
Our lives were linked.
The years flew by,
As if we blinked.

We grew old together,
We were always in love.
My girl and I, forever,
Are in heaven above.

Country

I met a girl
From New York City.
Her friends were loud,
But she sure was pretty.

They were Florida-bound,
Spring Break and such.
I tried to go with them,
I loved her that much.

We moved back home
To Tennessee.
I loved her madly.
She said she loved me.

One day, I awoke,
And found she was gone.
My New York queen,
Had sacrificed her pawn.

I still miss her badly,
I’ll dream of her tonight.
My New York City girl,
With her eyes shinin’ bright.

I hope she’ll come back.
I hope someday she’ll miss me.
I’m still waiting and hoping,
In the hills of Tennessee.

Blues

I met a girl
In New York City.
Her friends were loud,
But she was pretty.

Moved her to Dallas,
To start a new life.
Bought a house together,
Made her my wife.

Found her sleepin’ with my brother.
She broke my heart that day.
What’s even more disturbing,
Is that my brother is gay.

Made her a cocktail,
Told her she was still mine.
Just filled it up with poison,
Mixed in with her wine.

Buried her last weekend,
Was still sad to see her go.
My girl from New York City,
Now six feet down below.

Dog Poetry

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

What if my dog were a poet?
That would explain the rhythmic barks.
The ones that last all day,
The ones that last throughout the dark.

I think he may be a singer,
And he’s in a protest mood.
“Let me out of my crate!”
“Bring me more food!”

Bark, Bark, Bark, Bark.
Woof, Woof, Woof, Woof.
Hooooowwwwlll.
Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.

Not much rhymes with “woof.”

If my dog were a singer,
I could be very rich.
I just have to translate to English,
And remember he can say “bitch”.

SuperCenter Blues

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

(Editor’s Note: Recycled from the BJE Facebook page, published there August 5, 2010. This makes it a bonus track for NaPoWriMo 2014.)

BJE said – I don’t want to use any real establishment names, because my lawyer said that would be bad. Let’s just say this was written while watching the crowd at a really big mart where Jessica Simpson would think you bought walls.

SuperCenter Blues
with apologies (and a nod) to Right Said Fred

I’m too sexy for this place
I’ve just seen a face
It was on “Without A Trace”
Too sexy …

I’m too sexy for this mart
I’m filling up my cart
I hope that smell’s a fart
Too sexy …

I’m too sexy but I’m old
I’d never be quite so bold
Say, don’t your ass get cold?
Too sexy …

I’m too sexy for my sight
They’re giving me a fright
They all come out at night
Too sexy …

I’m too sexy for this food
I’m hope that I’m not rude
But that chick there’s a dude
Too sexy …

I’m too sexy for this store
I think I saw a whore
I’m running for the door
Too sexy …

I’m too sexy ’cause I’m white
My receipt’s kept out of sight
The guards just nod “Good night!”
Too sexy …

 

Leaving Early

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

I’m stuck at the office again.
I was going to leave an hour ago.
One thing after another arose.
A dozen “just one more thing to go.”

Traffic is building up outside.
Each minute here adds ten to the drive.
I might as well just stay here now.
I’ll never make it home alive.

It doesn’t matter your position,
From leader down to clerk.
The only way to leave the office early,
Is to never go to work.

Insomnia

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

I can’t sleep any more.
I can’t sleep any less.
I’m staring at the ceiling.
My brain is quite the mess.

I traveled the world over.
Time zones changing every day.
Now, I’m feeling my eyelids flutter.
While I’m trying to hit the hay.

I took a nap this afternoon,
That should have done the trick.
I’m awake way past my bedtime,
Listening to my clock tick.

I’m never going to sleep again,
I’m just staying up all night.
It’s time to watch infomercials.
I’ve given up the fight.

I’m in this over my head,
I’m in this thing too deep.
The only cure for insomnia
is a good night’s sleep.

Rocky Relationship

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

I thought that you were sexy,
Thought we might go to bed.
Then, when I turned around,
You had a Chihuahua on your head.

20140210-234749.jpg

I still thought that you were pretty,
You’re as pretty as could be.
I wonder if our insurance covers
A Chihuahua-ectomy.

You could have been a pirate,
Your parrot by your side.
Instead, you have a puppy,
Who always likes to hide.

20140210-234910.jpg
Rocky’s such a cute little doggie.
He’s really cute as heck.
I’m glad he’s a Chihuahua,
Since a Cocker would break your neck.

I hope this isn’t forward,
I hope I don’t sound crass.
Your hair smells like Head & Shoulders,
But your shoulders smell like ass.

20140210-234918.jpg

A long time ago

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

A long time ago,
And far, far away,
I saw her standing there,
Watching some new band play.

The Beatles changed the world.
Their music still resounds.
It’s better than today’s pop,
But this isn’t really about them.

The year before the Sullivan show,
(an even longer time ago),
My wife came into this world.
Not a band, but solo.

Her family pokes fun,
They tell her now she’s old.
She’s the baby, though,
So their insults run cold.

I would never poke fun.
It’s not my style.
I try to honor the aged,
As they begin their final mile.

All I can say is:

Oh, yeah, I tell you something,
I think you’ll understand.
When I tell you something,
I wanna hold your hand.

Mainly because,
I really don’t think
You should cross the street alone.
Not at your age.

Chihuahua Blues

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

Hey, why is my shoe in the living room?
It was in the bedroom just a minute past.
I can’t limp to work in just one shoe.
So, I’m glad I found it at last.

I don’t know,
I didn’t take it.
I never saw it,
I can’t fake it.
It just appeared next to me.

This pen has traveled a long way.
It’s home is on the kitchen table,
And now it’s on the office floor.
It crossed the house. How was it able?

I don’t know,
I didn’t take it.
I never saw it,
I can’t fake it.
It just appeared next to me.

Why is my bra is buried in the back yard?
A lonely strap is peeking from the dirt.
It’s tragic that I didn’t know it was dead.
I didn’t even think it was hurt.

I don’t know,
I didn’t take it.
I never saw it,
I can’t fake it.
It just appeared next to me.

I had another verse for this song.
Scratched out on a paper scrap.
It was really funny, too.
Not like the rest of this crap.

I don’t know,
I didn’t take it.
I never saw it,
I can’t fake it.
I am not chewing on it.
No, not I.

I blame the Shih-Tzu.