I was rearranging my plants.
In my lucky sweat pants.
That’s not really my point.
I’ve wounded another joint.
It’s Spring and lovely as can be,
But I fell and tweaked my knee.
Watching my new plants stand tall,
And I’m wondering if I can crawl.
Everything is still locked down,
We’re just remaining in town.
Otherwise, I’d be on a ship,
But I still had my Spring Break trip.
February was my 20th Anniversary.
We were going for a cruise.
So, in January, I broke my foot.
Oh, plus my ankle, too.
Cruise canceled.
Well, next year is 21.
That's almost the same.
Staying home.
Avoiding all others.
Well, it will be over by May.
May, when we visit grandkids.
Wait. What?
Scrap that trip.
We have a Christmas cruise.
Yes, I know about cruises.
I'm not hopeful.
2019 kinda sucked.
2020 said, "Hold my beer."
I'm too old for this.
March, I was out of the splint.
I was out of the cast.
I was into a boot.
So, now I can travel.
It's my 60th birthday.
Time for a road trip.
Wait. What?
I want a thick steak!
I want a big car!
I want a martini!
I want a cigar!
Raise a glass, shed a tear, I’m getting old, the end is near.
Happy Birthday to me.
I’ll just watch some TV.
We’re all still on lockdown.
Happy Birthday to me.
I planned a little birthday trip,
It would’ve been quite fun.
Now, we’re quarantined at home,
The trip has been undone.
Sixty will be a Facetime birthday.
“It’s fun!”, my dear wife said.
I’ll see my brother’s smiling face,
And the top of my Mom’s head.
Happy Birthday to me.
I loathe Twenty-Twenty.
I’m going stir-crazy,
Happy Birthday to me.
My last day at fifty-nine years old.
Tomorrow’s the big 6-0.
There’s no big celebrations,
Quarantine’s the status quo.
The decade started with joining AARP
At least I didn’t exit in a hearse.
The next one must be better,
I know it can’t get no worse.
Two weeks in a splint.
Don’t touch the ground!
Don’t breathe on it!
It’s a marathon, not a sprint.
Three weeks in a cast.
Don’t touch the ground!
Don’t scratch inside it!
The time will go by fast.
Four weeks in a boot.
Don’t touch the ground!
Don’t get it wet!
You’ve really learned to scoot.
One final week in the boot.
You may walk, if you please.
Please wash it!
You smell of old coot.
Ten weeks later,
It’s just a foot again.
(Still limping a bit.)
No pony.
No party.
Low-carb cake.
Annual physical.
Kill me now.
Grownups put away childish things.
Don’t fall into this trap.
Some childish things are awesome,
So I think I’ll take a nap.
Editor’s Note: Weebles wobble, but they don’t fall down. So, my wife is not a Weeble. Some people are just accident-prone. I know one of them. She married me. Oy vey. This is in her voice, since that’s the only way it makes sense. You just have to imagine the cries of anguish at the end of each stanza.
I think I’ll have a glass of tea.
Ouch! I think I sprained my knee.
I was writing out my shopping list,
I stopped because I sprained my wrist.
The list said, “Ribs. At least a rack.”
Wow. I think that I just wrenched my back.
I filed the list in my to-do folder,
But now I may have popped my shoulder.
I turned on the TV and saw Bethenny Frankel,
Then dropped the remote and broke my ankle.
It’s Spring, we should be on a ship,
It’s just I may have strained my hip.
I reached to remove a piece of fluff,
And I think I tore my rotator cuff.
I know it’s time to feed the pup,
It’s just I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.
My husband said, “Hey, let’s get frisky!”
I said, “Oh, my God! That’s much too risky!”
My husband thinks he’s such a clown,
I’d hit him, but I’ve fallen down.
Again.
Happy Birthday to you!
Another trip around the sun.
Some trips are annoying,
Some trips are fun.
That’s where they rhyming part ends.
My head hurts and I can’t find
My rhyming dictionary.
So, another crappy birthday poem follows.
My apologies in advance.
I hope it’s not a bore.
I should just say Rocky wrote it,
So people would cry for more.
Sigh. I’m not bitter about that.
Here’s an interesting fact.
If you had walked a mile each day,
Since the day you were born,
That would be 19,710 miles!
Your Fitbit would be very happy.
Also, you would have been walking at birth,
A very impressive feat! (feet?)
So, this is probably hypothetical.
Your Mom probably would have stopped you,
Since you shouldn’t be walking that young.
On the other hand, I’ve met your siblings,
So maybe she would have said, “Bon Voyage!”
Back to the hypothetical walking,
Today, you would be almost 80% of the way
Around the earth (give or take).
Holding your breath across the ocean-y bits.
However, you keep insisting on taking cruise ships.
So, walking around the world is probably out.
Also, you would have ended up back in New York.
Since the world is round-ish.
So, you’re in Dallas, not New York.
You’re a year older, but at least you’re not 55.
It could be worse, because it could always be worse.
Did I mention Rocky wrote this?
Happy Birthday.