Mom, why are you bleeping?
Can’t you see I’m sleeping?
I don’t need to pee outdoors.
I already did, over on the floor.
Is it time for me to eat?
If not, I’m going back to my seat.
I don’t like the lady with the scoop.
She harvests all the tasty poop.
You’re putting drops in my eyes?
Where is my tasty cookie prize?
Mommy woke me from my nap.
Lordy, what a load of crap.
I was deep inside a dream,
With a bowl of squirrel ice cream.
Then, I found myself awake.
She gave my little tail a shake.
I wish I had a can of Mace,
Or the energy to chew her face.
Instead, I’ll go outside and pee.
As I think, “Oh, woe is me.”
Rocky said, “Oh, woe is I.”
He’s such an educated guy.
Now, I lay me down to sleep.
My Mommy is a little creep.
I will chase her to New Delhi,
If she blows a bubble on my belly.
I’m a Chihuahua.
Oh, woe is I.
Mom stole my chair.
Heavy sigh.
Mom will feed me
Twice a day.
It’s not enough.
I’m wasting away.
Mom will teach me
How to howl.
She says my bark
Is very foul.
I’m glad to get this
All off my chest.
I still like my Mom,
I just like Dad the best.
Editor’s Note: If you think your partner is high-maintenance, just adopt an opinionated dog. Note: all dogs are opinionated.
Daddy just scratched my chin.
This behavior is unacceptable.
He may rub me on my belly,
He may give treats but no vegetable.
Mom tried to cuddle next to me.
She needs to stay in her chair.
I don’t like being crowded.
If I need her, I’ll go over there.
What is wrong with these people?
Editor’s note: This is about as long as I have gone through National Poetry Writing Month before writer’s block set in. Maybe tomorrow.
Mumble, mumble, mumble.
I got nothing.
I’m drawing a blank.
If I were a pirate,
I’d be walking the plank.
Today you file, if you owe.
Refunds filed long ago.
Tax forms can be quite a bitch,
The IRS thinks that we’re all rich.
We pay for months and months before,
And then today, some pay some more.
For some, it seems a source of mirth,
I just don’t think I got my money’s worth.
I cannot get a snack to eat.
If I move, I’ll lose my seat.
I have a bit of deadly gloom,
Why does a dog need so much room?
What is it with this magic chair?
He knows that I always sit there.
I’m sure that dogs must mean no harm,
Perhaps they find a used seat warm.
At last, I must admit defeat.
I will never have a snack to eat.
Grownups put away childish things.
Don’t fall into this trap.
Some childish things are awesome,
So I think I’ll take a nap.
You may be singing,
And you just don’t belong,
But puttin’ on a Stetson
Don’t make it a country song.
How do you get fired from a rock band?
It’s better to burn out than to fade away.
Sometimes, you just have to go your own way.
After all the losses of the past few years,
It’s strange to have someone leave the band,
Yet, he’s not dead, he just got canned.
I empathize with Mr. Buckingham,
I hope he remains hale and hearty,
At IBM, he’d get a retirement party.