Proctology Final Exam

You have accomplished much to date.
You’ve passed all the exams,
You were never late.

There remains one final test.
It’s been called unfair by some,
But it’s really for the best.

Before you perform your first exam,
One important detail remains.
So your patients don’t scram.

Quickly now! We shall not linger.
We merely check the length and width.
Please present your index finger.

Slot Pull

Many ships have casinos.
Casinos help cruises make money.

Cruises need to make money
Since everything else is so cheap.

You can play the slots alone.
Watching your money fade away.

After losing alone gets boring, 
You can join a slot pull. 

A slot pull is a group of people
Taking turns on the same machine. 

A slot pull is actually a triumph
Of peer pressure.

You don’t make money on slots.
You have the receipts to show. 

Slot pullers all know you don’t
Make money playing slots.

So, let’s pool our money,
And we’ll all get rich!

It’s actually a fun way
Spending time with new friends.

If you win,
You share the riches. 

When you lose, 
You share the blame.

Plus, you can wander off
To get another drink.

But turning $20 into $7
Is not really getting rich.

Even if you did spend
An hour playing slots. 

Rats

This Spring, there are rats.
They run around my yard.
I know that I can’t chase them.
It’s really, really hard.

Mom called some guy.
He put little boxes around.
I don’t know what’s in them.
They don’t make a sound.

I want to taste the boxes.
I think they have some treats.
Dad won’t let me sniff them.
That means it may be sweets.

There’s a rat on the porch.
I think he’s playing dead.
I thought he tasted funny,
When I crunched his little head.

Dad made me drop the rat.
“Leave it!”, he squawks.
I think the rat smelled funny.
He smelled like the little box.

Tick Tick Tick

April now is underway.
The Spring is sprung.
Bugs are out to play.

Alas, it must be getting near.
To complete the forms.
To shed a tear.

It’s soon will be the filing date.
Receipts and bills.
It’s getting late.

I started out late last year.
I did what I could.
I waited here.

Every year, it seems the same.
January fifth, I’m almost done.
April tenth, I’m quite insane.

April fourteenth, I will announce,
“I’ve sent the damn thing in!”
Hope the check won’t bounce.

Rocky’s Saga

Rocky went for a walk one day.
A perfect time to run and play.

He went out for adventure all alone.
He decided to run away from home.

Rocky had never run so far.
He never looked up to see the car.

He lay in the road a broken pet.
A stranger took him to the vet.

The doctor said, “He’s really ill.”
Crazy Dog Lady said, “Send us the bill!”

A doctor helped him through the pain.
The doctor said, “He’ll never run again.”

He recovered with a new Mom and Dad.
He thought his new life wasn’t bad.

Nothing in his new world was the same.
He even found he had a different name.

Rocky found that running really wasn’t hard,
If there are squirrels to chase across the yard.

Rocky’s been at home for ten years now.
He’s spoiled as much as Dad will allow.

His painful crash had a happy end.
Broken bones will sometimes mend.

All brave adventurers will roam.
Sometimes they find their perfect home.

You never know whom you will meet.
But look both ways when you cross the street.