Technology

 

I’m getting the feeling that
We have a generation that can’t read.
You have to show them graphics – not text,
And it’s really best to have a movie.

I love technology,
But not for it’s own sake.
Let’s not use it just because
The CEO overpaid for it.

If you have something to say,
Just email or call me.
I’ll respond if required.
Don’t send a link to your blog.

If you have an announcement,
Just make it.
Don’t make me watch a video
A week from Tuesday.

Worst of all now days,
Is the video blog,
Where some minor exec
Reads you his email.

The issue with video blogs,
At least for me,
Is that you see how poorly
Some of these people present.

Please send your foils out first.
(I’m old. They’re not slides. They’re foils.)
I will happily read your foils.
Then, I will think to myself,
“How can this take an hour to present?”

When I read someone’s foils,
My usual thought is,
“Wow. That’s an hour I would have wasted.”
Then, I hang up and go back to work.

Here’s the thing people miss these days.
Work is not an action movie.
There is little action at all sometimes.
So why pretend it’s exciting?

If you’re going to pretend it’s exciting,
Let’s have a video game presentation.
Everyone could watch from home,
And interact with the presenter.

Hit the CEO in the nose,
She has to go on to the next slide.
Blow the CEO up,
That’s lunch, everybody!

That could actually be fun.
She couldn’t just stand and read.
Just send me the foils first,
So I know what was supposed to be said.

Monday

How was your weekend?
Too short.
Ready for the meeting?
Ugh. I need coffee first.
Ready for the executive visit?
Is that this week? Nooooo!

How is the report coming?
I have to get off the phone, first.
You know it’s top priority.
Along with sixteen other items.
Just try to get it done today.
Along with sixteen other items.

Ready for lunch?
I’m ready for a martini.
Can we go early? I have a meeting.
Will New York ever learn we’re not all on their time zone?
Of course not. They’re idiots.
Don’t say that too loud.

I may call it a day a bit early.
Me, too. I have to pick up the kids.
I have to pick up the laundry.
Yours is lighter! Ha ha ha!
Wow, save some jokes for Tuesday.
You never had a sense of humor.

See you tomorrow.
Not if I see you first.
Stop it! I’m not in the mood.
I hope you’re less cranky tomorrow.
Don’t forget the executive visit.
 Nooooo!

Conference Call

If you remove the fluff,
Like “We’ll start in a minute”,
And “Who just joined?”

If you skip the endless  replies
About not hearing the question,
Or “Sorry. I was on mute”.

If you forget the happy puppies,
Ignore the background spouses.
And just focus on the subject.

You may get ten minutes of value
For an hour-long call.
Why do we do this?

Mo(u)rning

Woke up my laptop this morning,
Immediate Blue Screen of Death.
Time to go make coffee,
Then stop and catch my breath.

A cold and dead laptop.
This is not how to start a day.
Of course, it means a half-hour
To restart and pray.

I really hate Windows.
Every version seems slower.
My expectations were low,
But they’re falling still lower.

My company wants me to upgrade.
“Go to Linux”, they said.
But their products are on Windows.
It’s really hurting my head.

The coffee is ready,
My laptop is restarted.
It’s time for the morning,
Not for the faint-hearted.

Hot Potato

This sounds like a wonderful project!
I’m sure that it will work out splendidly.
In fact, I know just the person to help you with it.

He’s not available at the moment,
But I know he will be happy to jump on it.
I will send you his email with an intro,
So you should feel free to call him anytime.

I will just get out of the way now,
Since I don’t want to impede your progress.
This sounds like a critical project,
So I want the right people on it.

I’m glad I could help!

Cube Farm

A cube farm is a very productive place.
Not in terms of work, since there are meetings,
But in terms of raw crop production.

In many farms, there are two harvests,
Spring crops and others in the Fall.
Some farms only have one.
(Shine on, harvest moon.)

In a cube farm, there are four harvests.
Each one happens a week or so after quarterly reports.
The numbers come out from the headquarters,
Then, it’s “Hey, has anyone seen Bill?”

A cube farm is probably the only farm
That has going-away parties for its crops.
Other farms just load crops in the truck
And ship them off to market.