Moving

I’m moving to Bangalore.
If not India, then Singapore.
Somewhere far away from here.
Approximately twelve hours away.

Then, I can sleep during the day.
I can be awake all damn night.
It’s just over there,
I’ll be in sync with everyone else.

I need a nap.

Conflict of Interest

Editor’s Note: This is from a non-scientific study, but results are interesting.

Dogs sleep 19 hours a day (or so.)
They’re really not very active at all.
They will show up for all mealtimes,
Or sometimes, just to catch a ball.

So, eighty percent per day asleep,
A vast amount of total time spent,
Yet, when I take a one-hour nap,
That hour will be in the twenty percent.

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

My dogs sleep a lot.
Sometimes, just for brief periods.
Would that be a cat nap?

I have said before we need to discover
How to harness all the energy stored
In all the napping dogs in the world.

I am trying to decide if I should wake my dog
Who is sleeping on the couch,
To tell him it’s time to go to bed.
It’s like waking a patient to take a sleeping pill.

Sleeping dogs hope you will let them lie.
Then, they can wander the house late at night.
I’ve noticed since my dogs started sleeping in their crates,
I haven’t been missing as many socks.

Not that I’m accusing anyone.
I’m sure it’s a coincidence.

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Sleep

It’s a quiet morning.
Everyone got up for a potty break.
Then, everyone went back to bed.
Everyone except me.

I can’t.

Once I’m awake, that’s it.
I stay awake.
My wife says the same thing.
I will remind her when she wakes up.
For the second or third time today.

My dogs appreciate my not going back to sleep.
Then, they can inherit my side of the bed.
Secretly, they try to wake my wife.
Half a king size bed is not enough space,
If there is a whole one available
For the price of a couple of licks and growls.

So, instead of sleep, I drink coffee
To the sound of a snoring Shih-Tzu
Who is too short to get on the bed.
She has a pillow. She’s happy.

I would like to sleep like my dogs.
Instantly. Any time. Anywhere.
Give a dog a pillow and he’s out.
Hell, give a dog a floor and he’s out.

They are storing energy for when it’s needed.
There is going to be a major crisis someday.
At least we will have stored dog energy against it.
Whatever the crisis may be.

If dogs could talk,
If you asked a question,
Any question at all,
The answer would probably be,
“Let me sleep on it.”

Jet Lag

I suffer from jet lag when I fly east or west.
North or south is not as bad.
Probably because the time doesn’t change.

Sometimes, even on short trips,
Where I may only be an hour off,
I can’t get used to the new time.
(I always miss the Seinfeld reruns, for example.)

I used to get really disoriented in California
But that may not be the time change.
It could be any number of other factors.
No offense, California.

Short trips are sometimes the worst,
Since you’re almost but not quite home.
Longer trips, there is no way you will think
You’re anywhere close to your home time.

Of course, on some really long trips,
You will have to sleep in the middle of the day.
Don’t ever calculate what time it is at home.
You may just fall asleep wherever you are.

I used to be able to sleep on the plane,
Which is the best way to combat jet lag,
Then I told people, “I always sleep on the plane”,
And after that, I couldn’t do it any more. 

I decided to practice for a long-haul trip this morning.
Every time I changed major roads driving to the office,
I moved my car’s clock ahead an hour.
Turn at a major intersection, change to the next time zone.

This was a really good simulation of jet lag.
I drove across five time zones from home to work.
Five hours difference in one drive.

Naturally, I was late for all of my morning meetings.
I didn’t even have time to have my coffee.
This would have been a major work-life issue,
However, it was time to go home at lunch.