Questions of the Day

The government writes checks to take up the slack,
Why are people so happy to get their own money back?

The government knows where to send everyone’s cash,
So is the census just doing a rehash?

Lord, what a failure this program has been.
Why do we trust these bastards again?

Tax Days

All the numbers that I just copied,
Say “This info furnished to the IRS.”
That’s so nice and easy.
The Feds don’t have to guess.

If they have the info already,
And they design the forms to fill.
Why don’t they just do our taxes?
Then just send us out our bill.


Editor’s Note: Last year, I “retired”, so my taxes this year were insane. I don’t see a lot of benefits from my payments.

I paid my taxes online.
That way, I don’t have
To drive on broken roads,
To a unsafe neighborhood,
To the understaffed Post Office,
To find out it’s closed.
What do my taxes finance?

Tax Eve

Today you file, if you owe.
Refunds filed long ago.

Tax forms can be quite a bitch,
The IRS thinks that we’re all rich.

We pay for months and months before,
And then today, some pay some more.

For some, it seems a source of mirth,
I just don’t think I got my money’s worth.

Death and Taxes

I prefer death.

(What? Too short?)

We should be able to
Earmark our tax dollars.
Pick the programs you need.
Pay for what you believe in.

Pick what you want.
Pay for what sounds sexy.
Defund the wasteful.
(Since Congress won’t.)

I bet NASA and the military
Would get fully funded
(from the fly-over states.)
We like guns and astronauts.

Welfare would get slashed,
Because people in power
Just want to help the poor
With your money,
Not with their own.

We’d have less bridges to nowhere.
We’d have less weird studies.
We might have more security.
We might get out of debt.

Do you know why they passed an amendment
For the government to collect income taxes?
Because only an idiot would give
The government his money voluntarily.


I hate April 15th.

I don’t mind paying for NASA.
We need all our armed forces.
We need trains and highways.
We should protect our resources.

Some of the rest is a waste.

The TSA is worthless.
They don’t make us feel secure.
Tell airlines, “It’s your problem.”
That could be a cure.

Need a job?
Don’t shed another tear.
Go be a farmer in Mexico.
(All their farmers are here.)

The best way to save money?
How to shrink the budget’s girth?
It’s really very simple.
Just pay Congress what they’re worth.

April 13th

It’s April thirteenth, and it’s Saturday.
So, there can only be one item on the agenda.
It’s time to finally finish the taxes.

I hate doing my taxes.
I suppose it should make me feel successful
With all the money that came in
Except most of it went right back out.

I suppose it should make me feel generous,
What with paying for all our government,
But I support charities that actually work,
So why do I have to pay for crap that doesn’t?

Why are our taxes so complicated?
Why does the IRS think I’m rich?
Why am I still stalling?
Is the coffee ready yet?

It’s interesting that each of us
Must account for every penny each year,
When Washington can’t tell us where
Billions of our dollars went after it left us.

I think you should be able to fund the programs you want.
NASA gets my money. And anyone in the military.
I don’t really care if Alaska gets a bridge, or
Our idiot President has a helicopter to go on vacations.

Considering the trillions of dollars of debt Congress has,
I’m not really sure my payment or refund is any more
Than a rounding error in the budget.
It may not even be enough to be a rounding error.

Can’t we just look at my forced paycheck donations
And call it “close enough”?
What if we all just took a year off?
Now, that would be a Paperwork Reduction Act
That I could get behind.