Zoned Out

I wish I lived on East Coast time.
I’m so tired now, the words don’t rhyme.

This meeting started right at nine,
Or eight bloody AM, Central Time.

Last week, I had a class right after lunch.
So it was during mine, so thanks a bunch.

It could be worse, I always say.
I could live on the Coast, say, in LA.

California is the place you ought to be,
If you want meetings before you can even see.

New York is the center of the universe, fine.
Just stop making us work on New York time.

Tardy Slip

I’m not going to let it bother me.
So, we’re just a little late.
It doesn’t really matter much.
I’m still feeling great.

No, I’m not.
I lied a bit back there.
We’re running very late again,
And I’m pulling out my hair.

I wish it didn’t bother me.
Just wandering in whenever.
It’s just it makes me crazy,
Being late forever.

Is it really hard to be on time?
I’ve done it now for years,
But some are just incapable,
They’re causing all my tears.

I guess there’s just one way out,
Besides just going out alone.
Just lie about the starting time,
And hurry out from home.

The only other thing to do,
When you find you’re really stressed,
Is to set all your clocks to Central time,
Even though you’re in the West.

Jet Lag

I suffer from jet lag when I fly east or west.
North or south is not as bad.
Probably because the time doesn’t change.

Sometimes, even on short trips,
Where I may only be an hour off,
I can’t get used to the new time.
(I always miss the Seinfeld reruns, for example.)

I used to get really disoriented in California
But that may not be the time change.
It could be any number of other factors.
No offense, California.

Short trips are sometimes the worst,
Since you’re almost but not quite home.
Longer trips, there is no way you will think
You’re anywhere close to your home time.

Of course, on some really long trips,
You will have to sleep in the middle of the day.
Don’t ever calculate what time it is at home.
You may just fall asleep wherever you are.

I used to be able to sleep on the plane,
Which is the best way to combat jet lag,
Then I told people, “I always sleep on the plane”,
And after that, I couldn’t do it any more. 

I decided to practice for a long-haul trip this morning.
Every time I changed major roads driving to the office,
I moved my car’s clock ahead an hour.
Turn at a major intersection, change to the next time zone.

This was a really good simulation of jet lag.
I drove across five time zones from home to work.
Five hours difference in one drive.

Naturally, I was late for all of my morning meetings.
I didn’t even have time to have my coffee.
This would have been a major work-life issue,
However, it was time to go home at lunch.