My grandkids rode around in my car.
We set the locks so they can’t go far.
They tried to escape just one time each.
The secret lock was out of their reach.
All safe.
We went home at last, sad to say.
We’ll go back up again someday.
Later, their Dad came down to visit.
Well, to a meeting, same thing, is it?
We went to dinner, which was quite a treat.
We got home, but he’s still in the back seat.
All safe.
Editor’s Note: Weebles wobble, but they don’t fall down. So, my wife is not a Weeble. Some people are just accident-prone. I know one of them. She married me. Oy vey. This is in her voice, since that’s the only way it makes sense. You just have to imagine the cries of anguish at the end of each stanza.
I think I’ll have a glass of tea.
Ouch! I think I sprained my knee.
I was writing out my shopping list,
I stopped because I sprained my wrist.
The list said, “Ribs. At least a rack.”
Wow. I think that I just wrenched my back.
I filed the list in my to-do folder,
But now I may have popped my shoulder.
I turned on the TV and saw Bethenny Frankel,
Then dropped the remote and broke my ankle.
It’s Spring, we should be on a ship,
It’s just I may have strained my hip.
I reached to remove a piece of fluff,
And I think I tore my rotator cuff.
I know it’s time to feed the pup,
It’s just I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.
My husband said, “Hey, let’s get frisky!”
I said, “Oh, my God! That’s much too risky!”
My husband thinks he’s such a clown,
I’d hit him, but I’ve fallen down.
Again.
My Mommy has a house of bricks.
She also has a topiary of sticks.
I didn’t understand her twigs so grim,
Until she gave my lovely hair a trim.
I was a girl beautiful and faultless,
I’m now a guy with pattern baldness.
I have a home upon the range,
Mom made it look like I have mange.
The past few Aprils were fun for me.
When NaPoWriMo came around,
I found myself away at sea.
This year, I’m staying home.
So, I don’t see open seas.
I’m see poop wherever I roam.
I love my dogs, the entire pack.
It just takes them so little time,
To recycle any snack.
So, away at sea, one hand for you,
And another hand for the ship.
Home in the yard, one foot for grass,
And one foot for the shit.
A grandmother wants control of her title.
Choosing what she is called seems vital.
Some will never be “Grams” or “Granny.”
They want to be called “MomPlus” or “Sammy.”
Grandfathers don’t really seem to care.
Since we get called random terms here and there.
I have been “Grandpa”, “Papa”, “Grampy”, so to speak.
All of those were just in the past week.
Next time, I’ll have another name.
I will probably have myself to blame.
I said my name was King Frank-Bob.
We’ll see if that’s accepted by the mob.
I answer to the term my grandkids choose,
Either good or bad, win or lose.
Call me a saint or call me a sinner.
Just don’t call Grandpa late for dinner.
I will see a mansion on a hill.
I wish my house remained there still.
Some unnamed Yuppie came to town.
He bought my house and tore it down.
I haven’t lived in it for years,
Which doesn’t seem to stop the tears.
It was the place where I grew up.
It sheltered me, my Mom and Dad and pup.
I knew someday it would be gone.
I just didn’t want to play along.
I wanted to be able to just drive by,
And see it standing beneath the sky.
Yesterday, it was an empty lot.
It’s now a place that time forgot.
I will miss my happy (former) home.
Now, I’m feeling even more alone.
I know that everything must die.
I just hoped to see my past survive.
I understand that times will change.
I just thought my past remained the same.
A joke from the calendar,
Which is not that uncommon.
He is risen!
April Fools!
This is a day for your faith.
Tomorrow, all will be better.
A squirrel was living in my car.
I guess I hadn’t driven it too far.
I found his nuts under my hood.
Well, pecan shells (I guess the nuts were good.)
My car is now in the shop.
I’m waiting for the ball to drop.
A warranty is a great advantage,
But it doesn’t cover rodent damage.
He thinks that no-one will complain,
As he exits from the far left lane.
Kill me.
Kill me now.
She is like a pig in clover,
As she slides her three lanes over.
Kill me.
Kill me now.
He thinks he may have seen a cop.
So, let’s have all on Central stop.
Kill me.
Kill me now.
Some of the smartest people alive,
But none of them know how to drive.
Kill me.
Kill me now.
I’m a child of the Sixties,
I can sing any Beatles song.
Peace and love,
Sex and Drugs,
I’ll party all night long.
I’m a child of Catholic schools,
I know a lot of prayers.
Glory Be,
Our Father,
He watches over us everywhere.
I’m (mostly) a child of Texas,
I got here when I was two.
Whataburger,
Ranching,
A State with its own worldview.
I’m one of the last Baby Boomers,
I was taught right from wrong.
Princess phones,
Playing outside,
In college, I even saw a bong.
I’m a child of many,
My folks, the highest percentile.
Selective amnesia,
An occasional drink,
And my shrink on speed-dial.