My Dog is a Lawyer

June 25, 2013 ~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

My Dog is a Lawyer.
He can split hairs with the finest,
Which may be why his hairs are all over.

“Rocky! Don’t jump on the couch!”
I never shall again.
I was obviously in the wrong.
I apologize from here on the table.

“Rocky! Don’t chew my shoe!”
Your tennis shoes will never again touch my mouth.
My deepest apologies.
Your sandals are still available, true?

“Rocky! Stop eating bugs!”
Ah, I assumed any protein was allowed.
Thank you for clarifying the matter.
Would you like to share this dead snake?

“Rocky! Don’t fight with Murphy!”
My misunderstanding.
My apologies, Murphy, my good chum.
Flower, you must now die.

Working At Home

June 20, 2013 ~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

Tomorrow is “Take Your Dog to Work Day’.
I worked at home today,
So my dogs were already here.

They could come visit me.
Over and over again.
I had multiple breeds snoring all day.

I still managed to get some work done.
Mainly, because they sleep so much.
(They would love conference calls.)
However, I had an interesting thought.

Dogs in an office could cause strange utterances.
Some of these would be actionable, if aimed at people, not dogs.

What if you were writing a report and heard:
“Stop scratching me!”
“Get down!”
“Get off of me!”

and, of course, the big one:

“Rocky! Stop humping her!”

HR would not be amused.

So, before you take your dogs to work,
Discuss it with your co-workers.
Make sure humping will be OK for one day.

Maybe it’s best to just work at home.

The Attic

June 10, 2013 ~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

The attic was a magical place,
Where all of your past was stored.
If you didn’t want to toss it,
Up to the attic it went.

Of course, in some regions,
It was down to the basement, instead.
It depends on where you live.

Then again, if you’re scared to go in the attic,
Or you don’t have a basement,
You might use the garage.

I fear I’m getting off track.

Now, everything is going digital.
So, photos and albums aren’t in the attic.
They’re on your hard drive.
Hopefully.

If you don’t have a good filing system,
And I certainly don’t,
Then, your hard drive is a magical place.
You never know what you might find.

As long as you don’t find love letters
From someone who’s not in your house,
There is no telling what you share.

I found our late budgie’s first record.
Well, it’s not really a record,
It’s just a bunch of MP3s.
Still, it’s more than I ever recorded.

So, look around your hard drive.
You never know what you may find.
I hope it’s magical.

—————————-

Here’s Basil’s first record, for your listening pleasure. He didn’t write particularly long songs, but then again, he was a budgie.

[soundcloud url=”http://api.soundcloud.com/playlists/6582852″ params=”” width=” 100%” height=”450″ iframe=”true” /]

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

May 25, 2013 ~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

My dogs sleep a lot.
Sometimes, just for brief periods.
Would that be a cat nap?

I have said before we need to discover
How to harness all the energy stored
In all the napping dogs in the world.

I am trying to decide if I should wake my dog
Who is sleeping on the couch,
To tell him it’s time to go to bed.
It’s like waking a patient to take a sleeping pill.

Sleeping dogs hope you will let them lie.
Then, they can wander the house late at night.
I’ve noticed since my dogs started sleeping in their crates,
I haven’t been missing as many socks.

Not that I’m accusing anyone.
I’m sure it’s a coincidence.

Purpose

May 21, 2013 ~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

I was sent home early from the office today.
Not just me, my whole team.
It’s not like I was in detention or anything.

If you’ve seen the news lately,
You can probably guess the reason.
We’re having “weather” in Texas.
It’s a good day to work at home.

“Weather” means rain, wind, thunder, lightning, hail, tornadoes.
Hopefully, not all of them at once.
But usually, at least two.
I don’t mind the rain and thunder, but I am alone on that around here.

Last time we had “weather”, a lot of people had car damage.
Texas employers don’t seem to like parking garages.
You just leave your car on the open prairie.
Then, you hope for the best.

I just felt something bump my leg while I was working.
Turns out, I didn’t get sent home to save my car.
I got sent home so Ripley would have a place to hide.
I guess the Lord answers dog prayers first.

Futility

May 20, 2013 ~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

A tree stands in our yard,
Like a mighty oak.
Which is rather interesting,
Since it’s a pecan tree.

Every year, it produces a crop,
The basis of pecan pie.
However, before the crop and harvest,
It must try to carry on its lineage.

This means it must spread its seed.
In the past, there was an easy way.
A pecan tree produced sticky seed pods.

These pods would catch on any animals
Wandering across the vast prairies.
The animals would spread the seed.

Trees would sprout wherever the seed fell.
And the species would continue anew.
Pecan trees would be everywhere.

These days, it’s much more difficult.
The vast open prairies have a fence.
Actually, a pretty tall fence.
Actually, a lot of fences. And Roads. And Houses.

The roaming animals are now my dogs.
They don’t roam outside the yard.
Well, they do come in the house.

Our house is now the vast prairie.
However, pecan trees don’t grow well
Inside a house. On hardwood floors.
Or even in a king-size bed.

I guess the hardwood floors part
Is a bit ironic, really.

So, I’m hoping someday the pecan tree
Realizes that my dogs are not going to help it carry on.
I’m not hopeful of this, of course.

So, instead, this is the time of year
We need a ShopVac in the house.
To stop the new Pecan Forest
From taking over the family room.

If you have some open space,
Would you plant a pecan tree?
It would make my tree feel much better.

Love, Defined

April 17, 2013 ~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

Your parents are with you always,
Because their DNA is in yours.

Your spouse is with you always,
Because her love is in your heart.

Your Chihuahua is with you always,
Because it freakin’ sheds on everything.

Bucket List

April 11, 2013 ~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

Time to check on the bucket list,
To see if I’m getting ahead.
I don’t want to do all of them too soon,
In case completing it means you’re dead.

Visit Australia.
Check.
Multiple times, in fact. It’s Texas with a funny accent.

Have my salary be my age in thousands.
Check. Uncheck (Thank God.)
This only made sense when I was young. And single. And dogless. And broke.

Visit all fifty States.
Close.
Still have a few to go. Wondering how to get a business need in Alaska.

Go on a cruise.
Check. Check. Check. Check.
Now, a yearly ritual. Apparently, on someone’s else’s list, as well.

Sail from London to New York.
Scheduled.
Someday soon, this will be done. I hope.

Make my own beer.
Check. Uncheck.
Ick. This is really bad beer. Need to try again. Or just drink Guinness.

Make my own soda.
Check.
Sorry about the grape stains on the ceiling. It may have been over-carbonated.

Make my own wine.
On the list.
Have to find grapes. And equipment. And time. And patience.

Marry my soulmate.
Check. Uncheck. Check.
Wow. Divorce really sucks. Luckily, it’s not cheap.

Own a pick-up truck.
Check. Check.
It’s a Texas thing, I think. Or a guy thing.

Ride the train cross-country.
Check. Partially.
Been from Chicago to both coasts. Just not on one trip.

Ride the bus cross-country.
Reconsidered.
See partial check on train trip. Planes are much faster.

Earn one million AAdvantage miles.
Check and a half.
Business travel. Not as fun as it sounds. Trust me.

Trace my family roots.
Pending.
Met some of my relatives. Interest waning. No offense.

Write a novel.
Reconsidered.
A poem a day is hard. Who has time for a novel?

Have a dog.
Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check.
May have over-achieved on this one, just a wee bit.
(RIP Sparky. RIP Max. RIP Bubba.)

Visit Ireland.
Hic.
Water of life. Mmmm. Don’t remember a lot of it.

Sing with Paul McCartney.
Check. Check.
OK, everyone else in the stadium was singing, too.

Sing with John Lennon.
Damn.

Write a book.
Check.
It was a Redbook, but it counts.

Run a radio station.
Check.
OK, that wasn’t on the original list, but KNON rocks.
(Also, the station manager knows I really don’t run the station.)

Give a eulogy.
Check. Check.
RIP Rose. RIP Dad. This one sucked. Twice.

Sleep with a grandmother.
Check. (Actually, a multitude of checks.)
I may get in trouble for that one.