Baseball

Twenty-seven outs per team.
It’s what you do between them,
That’s what matters.

I appreciate a sport that has
A playbook that says,
“Hit it where they ain’t”.

At our local minor league park,
The umpires’ introductions?
Sponsored by the Lions Club.
(Go Google what they do. It’s hilarious.)

Baseball is a sport anyone can play,
And statisticians all adore.
Someday, I will write a thesis
On the linear relationship
Between beer and runs batted in.

The fans’ beer at the game or the team’s beer from the night before.
I assume one would be
An inverse relationship.

Baseball is.
Baseball was.
Baseball shall be.
The rest is horseshit.

 

Thanks, Joseph!

What Was It?

I had a title for this work.
It was short and clever.
The poem flowed from it.
Will I remember it? Ever?

It had to with my dogs.
Or a reflection on life.
Maybe my house.
Possibly the wife.

Someday, I’ll remember it.
I’m sure it will come back.
I’m pretty sure it’s brilliant.
I’ll be back on track.

Day Off

It finally happened.
After writing something
Every day since April,
I missed a day.

Hey, I was traveling.
I was tired.
I was blocked.

Ok, I forgot.

So, back at it today.
My apologies.

He’s Dead, Jim

“He’s dead, Jim”.

A doctor’s final diagnosis.
A catch-phrase of sorts. 
Another reminder not to
Wear red in space. 

Death is much easier on TV
Than in real life.
On TV, “He’s dead, Jim”
Then, a commercial.
Or the next scene.

In real life, it’s more complex.
Funerals, wills, codicils. 
You find out who your friends are.
You spend inordinate amounts of time
On minutia. 

I think it was much easier on TV.
It certainly was cleaner. 
Also, the Enterprise only had a five-year mission.
If they went through probate every time
Bones said “He’s dead, Jim”, 
It would have been a much longer series.

 

Paperwork

You know what’s fun?
Not paperwork. 
Well, it’s fun to test new signatures,
Sometimes. 

It’s amazing to me how much paper we create.
Some of it is useful.
Most of it is filed, then tossed away.
Maybe shredded, if nobody should see.

If nobody should see,
Did we really need it in the first place? 

Tomorrow, go to the office, 
Find one of your colleagues,
And say, “Do you have that form from last March?”

If they do, 
Just say “Hoarder!” 
And walk away. 

Better yet, just send him an email.

Family Style

We ate dinner at a “family style” restaurant.
This is an interesting concept.
I’m not sure who invented it.

To their marketing team, it means
You have platters of food and you serve yourself.

To someone who married an Italian, it means
You have a loud discussion between courses,
And a fight over dessert.

Oops.

We’ve been asked to find another restaurant.
I guess I shouldn’t have told the waitress
She was dressed like a slut.

Hotel Coffee

Sacred brown water,
Daily Water of Life,
Why do you taste so strange?

I brewed you so gently,
Just like coffee back home,
Yet your taste has changed.

Maybe it’s the water, 
Fresh from the hotel tap,
Flowing almost brown alone.

Maybe it’s the coffee,
A little single-pot bag.,
From a brand completely unknown.

Still, it’s coffee. My coffee.
It’s enough to start my day.
At last, I can remember my name..

It will get me all the way downstairs.
To cups of restaurant coffee.  
Then, I’ll be back in the game. 

Eastbound

Off through the gloom,
To God’s Waiting Room.
I guess I should be glad
We’re not going to Buffalo.

Mr Disney bought a swamp,
Drained it with a Mickey Pump,
And now people go there.
On purpose.

(They’re at the gate next to me.)

No, that last verse didn’t rhyme,
I just didn’t take the time.
Ask Jimmy Buffett what rhymes
With ‘swamp”.  He’s from there.

I worry about a State that ends in “Duh”.

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

My dogs sleep a lot.
Sometimes, just for brief periods.
Would that be a cat nap?

I have said before we need to discover
How to harness all the energy stored
In all the napping dogs in the world.

I am trying to decide if I should wake my dog
Who is sleeping on the couch,
To tell him it’s time to go to bed.
It’s like waking a patient to take a sleeping pill.

Sleeping dogs hope you will let them lie.
Then, they can wander the house late at night.
I’ve noticed since my dogs started sleeping in their crates,
I haven’t been missing as many socks.

Not that I’m accusing anyone.
I’m sure it’s a coincidence.

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Memorial Day

Thank you to all of those
Who gave their lives for a just cause.
This day was founded to remember you.

Thank you also to those
Who gave their lives for a cause that some
Didn’t think was just.
You were in a difficult situation.
You probably paid a higher price.

Your lives were not in vain.
You leave a legacy of making the ultimate sacrifice,
Even if some of your countrymen were annoyed.

I am not annoyed by your fighting for me,
No matter where the battle was.
Some of your Commanders were idiots.
You are heroes.

Thank you.