Verse Number One
Do you want to go out with me?
Just in case you have to pee?
Oh, you already have, I see.
I’ll get the mop and your Mommy.
Verse Number Two
Tell me, what is that vile smell?
Are we entering the Gates of Hell?
Is it that you’re not feeling well?
I’m going out for a breathing spell.
Praise the Lord there’s no verse number three.
“Write a poem a day for a month.”
Sayeth NaPoWriMo.
How hard can that be?
April’s only a thirty-day month.
Hmmm.
I’m really stuck this time.
It happens every year.
Usually, once a day or so.
I need an idea.
I tried to order one,
From Amazon Prime,
But it won’t arrive until tomorrow.
It would be nice if you could
Order an idea from Amazon.
I know a few people
That could use a place
To get a clue.
Once upon a time, in California,
There lived a giant redwood, named Hank.
Hank was a proud tree,
But something bothered him.
One day, Hank bravely said,
“I’m a lilac bush, dammit!”
All the other redwoods had a good laugh,
But Hank insisted.
One by one, the other trees
Decided that if Hank believed
He was a lilac bush,
It must be true.
A couple of the trees still
Thought Hank might be crazy.
But, they decided that silence
Might help keep the peace.
Many trees were happy to have
A different kind of plant
In the midst of the forest.
Hank, their own lilac bush.
In the Spring, all the trees
Watched their lilac, waiting
They all wanted to see Hank bloom.
They waited and hoped.
It was a very long wait.
They could hear Hank straining
As he tried to produce flowers.
Pushing as hard as he could.
Finally, a wise old owl
Landed on the lilac bush.
The owl looked at Hank.
The owl said, “You’re a redwood, dumbass.”
Today’s psalm is from Meetings, 9am – 10am.
Our response is: “Hey! Great idea, boss!”
“I see that our standing committee has not provided any input for efficiencies. I have decided to terminate the committee.”
R: “Hey! Great idea, boss!”
“Since the committee failed, we will split the members into three working groups, who can each meet twice a week.”
R: “Hey! Great idea, boss!”
“With six times as many meetings, we are bound to find ways to be more efficient even more quickly than before.”
R: “Hey! Great idea, boss!”
Let us pray.
Thinking of all the times in my life.
There’s early.
There’s on time.
Then, there’s the wife.
I found an old guitar,
Up in the attic at my Mom’s.
She said it was my Grandpa’s.
He would play it on the lawn.
I never knew he had one.
I never knew he played.
Yet, I could almost hear him,
As I saw the strings were frayed.
I took it from the attic,
I had it cleaned and tuned.
I tried to learn to play it.
I wanted music to resume.
I wonder if he wrote a song.
I wonder what he played.
I’d like to sing it with him.
My memories ceased to fade.
When you’re listening to a concert,
Watching some now famous star,
You should think about his Grandpa.
And wonder if he played guitar.
I have a seven am meeting.
I have a meeting at nine.
I have another at ten,
At least that one is mine.
I have a meeting at one.
I have a meeting at two.
Last one at nine in the evening.
I wish it weren’t true.
Web conferences bring us closer,
Of this I make no bones,
It’s just they don’t solve the issue
Of our pesky time zones.
I want to be a travel agent.
Move my bosses to and fro.
I would schedule all their trips.
I could tell them where to go.
I want to be a pharmacist.
Filling bottles gives me thrills.
I would refill all your prescriptions,
And bring my wife some happy pills.
I want to be a pirate.
Sail across the seven seas.
With a Chihuahua for a parrot.
He’s balanced on my knees.
I want to be a lumberjack.
Wait, that one’s been done.
I keep my email in folders.
It helps organize my day.
There are some I need forever.
There are some I throw away.
Some folders are very full.
Some only have a few.
It depends on the workload.
It depends on what I do.
So, if you have your own folder,
Beyond a project or a task.
A folder dedicated to just you,
You’re probably a pain in the ass.
When I was young,
The only excuse we used
Was “I forgot.”
Later, we graduated
To more exciting excuses,
Like “The dog ate my homework.”
Now, we’re on Wifi all the time,
So, we have rather bizarre excuses,
As in, “The squirrels chewed through the line.”
File this under “Sad But True.”
If you live in a old-tree cul de sac,
There are a lot of squirrels.
Squirrels chew trees,
And things that look like trees.
Phone lines look like trees.
Either that, or we have squirrels
Who are hooked on insulation.
Really? Find a new drug.
Anyway, they chew the insulation.
That leaves holes everywhere.
Everything works, until water gets into the lines.
The insulation is what stops the water.
So, every time we have a decent rainstorm,
The lines get wet and the phone stops.
This is only a problem from March until June.
So, it’s really not worth complaining about.
It’s not like I have to use the Internet for work.
So, the entire house is down.
No phone, Internet or TV.
I guess I’ll read a book.
I hate squirrels.