A home is a house full of love.
Where two hearts become one.
Togetherness building strength.
A home is a house full of love.
Where happy families grow.
Loving memories are built.
A home is a house full of love.
So, what we have now is a house.
I’m so out of here.
I have a meeting on the phone.
I really need to be alone.
Four dogs are barking at the door.
Whatever are they barking for?
Perhaps the mail arrived at last.
Perhaps a man is walking past.
Perhaps a car is driving by.
Perhaps a leaf is blowing high.
Perhaps the UPS truck is here.
Perhaps someone opened a beer.
Perhaps a train went down the tracks.
Perhaps a boy wearing corduroy slacks.
It must be critical, that’s for sure.
Since all four are barking at the door.
Topics can be hard to find,
So, every day, I abuse my mind.
Some days are better than others.
Plus, I’m not at sea this year,
With all those topics I hold dear,
So I have to look around my office.
Sigh.
What rhymes with “clutter”?
There is so much clutter,
I heard her mutter.
Her words went through me,
Like a knife through butter.
Sigh.
Maybe I can find a topic on Groupon.
I had a topic for today.
It was really interesting.
Everyone would have shared it.
I would be famous.
Damn.
Her Majesty sits upon her throne.
We cannot let her sit alone.
With all the gurgling I hear,
I’m pretty sure she sits in fear.
Anyone could break in now,
I have to stop them all somehow.
She’s been in here for quite some time.
I will sit here until at least bedtime.
You cannot enter – “No!”, I say.
Everyone must stay away.
I will always remain in place.
To leave her unguarded – a disgrace.
I will stay here through the night and day.
I will never, ever go away.
I will be here at the closing bell.
I just worry about that awful smell.
Lift me up,
From my pain and sorrow.
Lift me up
Towards the sky.
Lift me up
To my Lord and Savior.
Lift me up
On the day I die.
I am an Irish Pirate.
I drink Guinness every night.
I don’t have a pirate schooner,
So I never have to fight.
It’s hard to be a pirate,
When you can’t go off to sea.
So, I’m stuck here in the pub,
With just a pint or three.
I guess to be a pirate,
I need a large tattoo.
It’s just I don’t like needles,
So I never joined the crew.
I’m going to be a pirate.
I’m going to sail to sea.
I’m going to do it someday.
Just you wait and see.
In the meantime,
Another pint, please.
I’m surfing down the River Pee.
There’s darkness in my hall, you see.
Dogs should only pee in the yard.
But going out sometimes is hard.
So, as I slide along the floor,
I wonder which among our four,
Has left this river in the hall,
That’s now a lake after my fall.
I am an accidental engineer.
A dam’s design was never clear.
Yet, I dammed the mighty River Pee.
I dammed it when I fell, you see.
It was not the only dam discussed.
I do admit, I may have cussed.
My wife is laughing really hard.
Why won’t her dogs pee in the yard?
I’m out on the road.
I’m livin’ the dream.
Yet all I can afford
Is my Dairy Queen.
Some day, I’ll be rich.
Ribeye steaks for me.
Today, it’s steak fingers
With tots and gravy.
I’m not the only one,
Many others came before.
So, I’ll refill my soda,
And I’m back out the door.
I love Tex-Mex food.
I would eat it every day.
Rice, beans and nachos,
What else is there to say?
It’s just sometimes,
There is a dramatic effect.
Like a volcano erupting somewhere,
Or a pilot forced to eject.
Today, my wife dragged me shopping.
She bribed me with Tex-Mex first.
We got to the store and I felt rumblings.
It’s not like something was about to burst.
I thought.
So, my colon blew out in WalMart,
I was stranded in the stall.
The guard came to check for theft,
But I hadn’t taken anything at all.
(Well, I took a dump. But, really, I left it. Thank you, George Carlin.)