Cell Phone Blues

I gave a girl my number,
Since she was really cute.
She called me sixteen times that night,
But my cell phone was on mute.

So, now I have to call her back,
Since I didn’t pick up her call.
I’m sure she thinks I blocked her,
I didn’t hear my phone at all

My ringtone is a song I like,
I just can’t always tell.
I keep missing ladies calling me,
When I hear “Heartbreak Hotel”.

Russian E-Mail Bride

Editor’s Note: From 2002, but the emails just started again.

Twice a week or more
I get e-mail in my box
Gonna change my life
Meet me a Russian fox

Russian E-mail Bride
Now I can’t let go
She don’t know much English
So she can’t say ‘no’

My friends all tell me
That she’s the best.
She wrestles with the weak ones,
And out-drinks the rest.

Russian E-Mail Bride,
Won’t you please call home?
I have a fifth of vodka
But I’m all alone.