Rocky’s Anniversary

Rocky

Rocky arrived here
Eight years ago today.
He was limping pretty badly,
But still wanted to play.

He was hit by a car.
His back legs were broken apart.
A lady dumped him at our vet.
It was a rocky start.

(He’s actually named Rocky,
Because he was a Chihuahua
That took on a Cadillac.
Adriaaaaan!
)

We were going to foster him,
Until he found his perfect home.
He never made it off the couch,
He wouldn’t leave us alone.

He’s been with us eight long years,
He thinks he runs the house.
He’s killed a couple of snakes so far,
And one quite bloody mouse.

So, here’s to Rocky FosterPup.
He’s our favorite little shrimp.
He’s running all around the yard
Because he never learned to limp.

It’s A Dog’s Life

Rocky

You don’t understand me at all.

Hey! Listen to me!
I’m trying to tell you something important.
I forgot.

Time to go out.
Why am I in the yard?
Time to come in.

I’m starving.
Wow. I’m full.
Is there more?

Skritch me.
Skritch me.
Why are you touching me?

Stranger! Stranger! Stran.. Oh, it’s Mom.
I’m sleepy.

Stranger! Stranger! Stran.. Oh, it’s Dad.
I’ll finish my nap.

Time to go out.
Nevermind.
Cleanup on aisle three.

I’m just a bit hungry.
Why did you wake me up?
Is there food?

Dad? Dad? Dad? Dad? Dad? Dad? Dad? Dad?
Nevermind.

Grandma said you have to share your steak.
I’m waiting.
This slipper tastes like steak, I think.

Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom?
Nevermind.

I’m starving again.
Not now, I’m napping.

Can I have a snack?

Dog Talk

We have a very vocal puppy.
Her name is Katie.
She talks all the time.
(She gets it from her Mom.)

The problem with a vocal puppy,
Is that nobody in the house speaks Dog.
With the exception of the Chihuahua,
And nobody speaks Spanish, either.

Katie howls at the front window.
This means, “Mail’s here.”
Unless, “The yard man is mowing.”
Sometimes, “A leaf blew in the street.”

Katie whimpers by the bed.
(Only in the middle of the night.)
This means, “I must go outside.”
Or, “Daddy’s sleeping in my spot.”
Sometimes, “Can you get me a snack?”

Katie whines in the kitchen.
This means, “Feed me now.”
Perhaps, “I would like some attention.”
Rarely, “My goodness, I am full.”

Katie cries by the back door.
This means, “Potty, please.”
Unless it means, “The neighbors are loud.”
Maybe, “There is noise out front, but this door has a window.”

Katie moans by the bedroom door.
On the outside, “Let me in!”
On the inside, “Let me out!”
That one, we understand.

Katie’s Blues

I want it heard across the nation!
I am dying of starvation!
And I only had sixteen hours of sleep.

My parents say they need me,
But they never seem to feed me.
At least never more than twice a day.

I’m lying softly on their bed,
Waiting desperately to be fed.
And now, I think I have to pee.

I need this door unlocked.
I’ve knocked and knocked and knocked.
My paws can’t turn this stupid handle.

I’ll just go back to sleep.
I won’t even make a peep.
No-one knows the pain I’m in.

Sigh.

The Owl’s Song

Editor’s Note: Blind John Ellsworth is dedicated to animal welfare, and wants all pets to be safe. So, it pains him to see reports of neighbors “losing” pets because they are left outside unattended — or worse, are “outside” pets. So, here’s a reminder.

There is a majestic old owl.
He patrols when the skies are black.
I thought he was looking for Tootsie-Pops,
But I think he’s looking for a snack.

When the wind is low,
Behind my bungalow.
I can hear the owl’s song.
If you know it, sing along.

Who let the dogs out?
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
Burp.

Elements

Someone once said that
The two most common elements
Were hydrogen and stupidity.
This person did not have a Chihuahua.

If he had, the phrase would have been
The top three elements, and the
Most prevalent of all would have been
lovely, shedding Chihuahua hair.

I went to Peoria, Illinois on business.
It was far away from hearth and home.
I had my computers and my clothes,
And in my suitcase, Chihuahua hair.

My wife is having a midlife crisis.
She dyed her hair purple and blue.
The crisis was just a cover story.
She just wants to know which hair is hers.

If my wife had replaced Neil Armstrong,
The quote for history would have been
“That’s one small step for man …
Dammit! Where is all this hair from?”

Really?
Do you need to ask?

Watching the Guard

Whenever we’re away,
We thought our dogs would play.
Well, my wife did.
I was pretty sure they snoozed.

Rocky’s in his condo crate,
Behind a little doggie gate,
So, Katie is really the guard.
She has the rest of the house.

This week, I got a PuppyCam,
So Katie got her guard exam.
She failed.
Well, not completely.

Her Mom’s chair was secure.
She watched my couch, for sure.
Anything not between the couch and chair,
Pretty much fair game for invaders.

We were almost back home,
So, Rocky and Katie was still alone.
Then, my wife said,
“Hey! Let’s call her!”

I opened up the app,
Gave the mic a tap,
And said, “Hi, Katie!”
She bounded for the door.

Oops. Now, I feel bad.
My wife is feeling sad.
Well, we’ll be home soon.
Katie started crying.

Well, there goes my heart.
It’s broken apart.
We’re still a half-mile away.
So, I told her, “Soon.”

We got home at last,
She still looked harassed.
I think she got extra food.
I think she forgave us.

We won’t spy anymore,
From outside the door.
It’s caused too much strife.
We’ll just watch the neighbors.

Rocky’s Adventure

I hate to go outside at night.
It’s very spooky after dark.
There’s danger everywhere you look.
I just have to dodge and bark.

We were watching “Wheel of Fortune”,
Someone tried to buy a vowel.
Then my Mom sent me in the back yard,
And I was scooped up by an owl.

We went flying around the cul-de-sac,
We were flying really low.
I guess I was a bit too heavy,
But Mr. Owl wouldn’t let me go.

I felt his beak nibble me,
His next act was very rude.
He spit me back in my yard.
Owls don’t like Mexican food.