My funny little puppy
Jumps where he is able.
So, we all eat standing up,
Instead of at the table.
My sleepy little puppy
Unlocks his crate with his snout.
It’s impressive that he can get in,
We’re glad he can’t get out.
My skinny little puppy
Always sheds his hair.
He could be very, very large.
But he’s spread out everywhere.
My crazy little puppy
Always wants a snack.
She never can relax at all
We’ll feed her Doggie Prozac.
Katie is a lovely dog
She knows that she is mine.
She only has one tiny fault.
She cannot tell the time.
Katie knows that dinner time
Is every night at seven.
So, she starts her dinner whine
At six-ten or six-eleven.
Sometimes, this will work.
I will feed them early.
Katie learned that dinner time
Arrives some nights prematurely.
Katie knows that dinner time
Is every night at six-fifteen
So, she starts her dinner whine
At five-thirty, six or in-between.
Once the whining has commenced,
She never tends to drop it.
Only puppy food in quantity
Seems to make her stop it.
Katie knows that dinner time
Is sometime after four.
So, she starts her dinner whine
Sometime the day before.
The one part of my dear Kate
That never needs explaining.
She only has two speeds in life,
Sound asleep and loud complaining.
Rocky arrived here
Eight years ago today.
He was limping pretty badly,
But still wanted to play.
He was hit by a car.
His back legs were broken apart.
A lady dumped him at our vet.
It was a rocky start.
(He’s actually named Rocky,
Because he was a Chihuahua
That took on a Cadillac.
Adriaaaaan!)
We were going to foster him,
Until he found his perfect home.
He never made it off the couch,
He wouldn’t leave us alone.
He’s been with us eight long years,
He thinks he runs the house.
He’s killed a couple of snakes so far,
And one quite bloody mouse.
So, here’s to Rocky FosterPup.
He’s our favorite little shrimp.
He’s running all around the yard
Because he never learned to limp.
You don’t understand me at all.
Hey! Listen to me!
I’m trying to tell you something important.
I forgot.
Time to go out.
Why am I in the yard?
Time to come in.
I’m starving.
Wow. I’m full.
Is there more?
Skritch me.
Skritch me.
Why are you touching me?
Stranger! Stranger! Stran.. Oh, it’s Mom.
I’m sleepy.
Stranger! Stranger! Stran.. Oh, it’s Dad.
I’ll finish my nap.
Time to go out.
Nevermind.
Cleanup on aisle three.
I’m just a bit hungry.
Why did you wake me up?
Is there food?
Dad? Dad? Dad? Dad? Dad? Dad? Dad? Dad?
Nevermind.
Grandma said you have to share your steak.
I’m waiting.
This slipper tastes like steak, I think.
Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom?
Nevermind.
I’m starving again.
Not now, I’m napping.
Can I have a snack?
I need a small snack.
Nap time is my favorite.
All. Squirrels. Must. Die.
We have a very vocal puppy.
Her name is Katie.
She talks all the time.
(She gets it from her Mom.)
The problem with a vocal puppy,
Is that nobody in the house speaks Dog.
With the exception of the Chihuahua,
And nobody speaks Spanish, either.
Katie howls at the front window.
This means, “Mail’s here.”
Unless, “The yard man is mowing.”
Sometimes, “A leaf blew in the street.”
Katie whimpers by the bed.
(Only in the middle of the night.)
This means, “I must go outside.”
Or, “Daddy’s sleeping in my spot.”
Sometimes, “Can you get me a snack?”
Katie whines in the kitchen.
This means, “Feed me now.”
Perhaps, “I would like some attention.”
Rarely, “My goodness, I am full.”
Katie cries by the back door.
This means, “Potty, please.”
Unless it means, “The neighbors are loud.”
Maybe, “There is noise out front, but this door has a window.”
Katie moans by the bedroom door.
On the outside, “Let me in!”
On the inside, “Let me out!”
That one, we understand.
I want it heard across the nation!
I am dying of starvation!
And I only had sixteen hours of sleep.
My parents say they need me,
But they never seem to feed me.
At least never more than twice a day.
I’m lying softly on their bed,
Waiting desperately to be fed.
And now, I think I have to pee.
I need this door unlocked.
I’ve knocked and knocked and knocked.
My paws can’t turn this stupid handle.
I’ll just go back to sleep.
I won’t even make a peep.
No-one knows the pain I’m in.
Sigh.
Editor’s Note: Blind John Ellsworth is dedicated to animal welfare, and wants all pets to be safe. So, it pains him to see reports of neighbors “losing” pets because they are left outside unattended — or worse, are “outside” pets. So, here’s a reminder.
There is a majestic old owl.
He patrols when the skies are black.
I thought he was looking for Tootsie-Pops,
But I think he’s looking for a snack.
When the wind is low,
Behind my bungalow.
I can hear the owl’s song.
If you know it, sing along.
Who let the dogs out?
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
Burp.
I have a little green dog.
He sits on a log.
He enjoys going swimming.
He’s really a frog.
I have a black cat.
She hangs from my hat.
She enjoys our spelunking.
She’s really a bat.
Someone once said that
The two most common elements
Were hydrogen and stupidity.
This person did not have a Chihuahua.
If he had, the phrase would have been
The top three elements, and the
Most prevalent of all would have been
lovely, shedding Chihuahua hair.
I went to Peoria, Illinois on business.
It was far away from hearth and home.
I had my computers and my clothes,
And in my suitcase, Chihuahua hair.
My wife is having a midlife crisis.
She dyed her hair purple and blue.
The crisis was just a cover story.
She just wants to know which hair is hers.
If my wife had replaced Neil Armstrong,
The quote for history would have been
“That’s one small step for man …
Dammit! Where is all this hair from?”
Really?
Do you need to ask?