Watching the Guard

Whenever we’re away,
We thought our dogs would play.
Well, my wife did.
I was pretty sure they snoozed.

Rocky’s in his condo crate,
Behind a little doggie gate,
So, Katie is really the guard.
She has the rest of the house.

This week, I got a PuppyCam,
So Katie got her guard exam.
She failed.
Well, not completely.

Her Mom’s chair was secure.
She watched my couch, for sure.
Anything not between the couch and chair,
Pretty much fair game for invaders.

We were almost back home,
So, Rocky and Katie was still alone.
Then, my wife said,
“Hey! Let’s call her!”

I opened up the app,
Gave the mic a tap,
And said, “Hi, Katie!”
She bounded for the door.

Oops. Now, I feel bad.
My wife is feeling sad.
Well, we’ll be home soon.
Katie started crying.

Well, there goes my heart.
It’s broken apart.
We’re still a half-mile away.
So, I told her, “Soon.”

We got home at last,
She still looked harassed.
I think she got extra food.
I think she forgave us.

We won’t spy anymore,
From outside the door.
It’s caused too much strife.
We’ll just watch the neighbors.

Rocky’s Adventure

I hate to go outside at night.
It’s very spooky after dark.
There’s danger everywhere you look.
I just have to dodge and bark.

We were watching “Wheel of Fortune”,
Someone tried to buy a vowel.
Then my Mom sent me in the back yard,
And I was scooped up by an owl.

We went flying around the cul-de-sac,
We were flying really low.
I guess I was a bit too heavy,
But Mr. Owl wouldn’t let me go.

I felt his beak nibble me,
His next act was very rude.
He spit me back in my yard.
Owls don’t like Mexican food.

Rocky’s Lament

Mom called me in from the yard.
She called me “Chihuahua.”
I think she forgot my name.
How did this happen?

I was told my Grandma
Called dogs by their color.
She never remembered names.
I never met her, but
I know she loved dogs.

Mom loves dogs.
She’s forgetting names.
I wonder if Mom will
Start watching stories?

Starvation Diet, Chihuahua-Style

Rocky

Rocky! It’s time to eat! 
I can’t come in right now.
I think I heard a cow.
Or maybe a cat.
Anyhoo, I have to patrol.

ROCKY! It’s dinner time!
Please just let me be.
I’m guarding you, you see.
There is something lurking.
I must kill or maim it.
Anyhoo, I’ll be in later.

ROCKY! I’M GIVING KATIE YOUR FOOD!
I’m sure you would be upset.
If a burglar stole your pet.
So, I’m running all around.
Makes me less of a target.
Anyhoo, I’m working on my steps.

ROCKFORD. NOW. OR I KILL YOU.
The yard is cleared at last.
The dangers all are past.
Is there any food around here?
I’m starving.
Why don’t we eat on time?

Mom’s Lament

Nobody loves me,
Everybody hates me,
Guess I’ll go eat worms.

My dogs don’t love me,
Unless I’m bearing treats.
I try to hug and kiss them,
Guess I’ll admit defeats.

I let them out to play.
I feed them two squares a day.
They pee on the floor, it’s OK.
Their hair makes me sneeze more than hay.

Am I bitter?
Not even a bit.
So, they sit by Dad.
I won’t have a snit.

They really love me.
I’m sure of that.
But if I find they don’t,
I’m getting me a cat.

Murphy’s Lament

Mom, why are you bleeping?
Can’t you see I’m sleeping?

I don’t need to pee outdoors.
I already did, over on the floor.

Is it time for me to eat?
If not, I’m going back to my seat.

I don’t like the lady with the scoop.
She harvests all the tasty poop.

You’re putting drops in my eyes?
Where is my tasty cookie prize?

Katie’s Further Lament

Mommy woke me from my nap.
Lordy, what a load of crap.

I was deep inside a dream,
With a bowl of squirrel ice cream.

Then, I found myself awake.
She gave my little tail a shake.

I wish I had a can of Mace,
Or the energy to chew her face.

Instead, I’ll go outside and pee.
As I think, “Oh, woe is me.”

Rocky said, “Oh, woe is I.”
He’s such an educated guy.

Now, I lay me down to sleep.
My Mommy is a little creep.

I will chase her to New Delhi,
If she blows a bubble on my belly.

Rocky’s Lament

I’m a Chihuahua.
Oh, woe is I.
Mom stole my chair.
Heavy sigh.

Mom will feed me
Twice a day.
It’s not enough.
I’m wasting away.

Mom will teach me
How to howl.
She says my bark
Is very foul.

I’m glad to get this
All off my chest.
I still like my Mom,
I just like Dad the best.