Conference Calls

A conference call is a lonely place. 
Since it’s all on the phone, 
Not face to face. 

At least you can do other crap.
While this may sound rude, 
It’s more useful than a nap.

You can’t just drop the line,
Since there will be a beep,
And that’s an obvious sign.

You should put your phone on mute.
In case you loudly snore, 
Or play the flute. 

Just listen for your name,
Always be ready to reply, 
Or you will get the blame. 


When you are young,
Nothing comes slower than Christmas.
Assuming you are Christian,
And your parents buy you gifts.
(Santa may or may not be involved.)

When you are older,
Nothing comes slower than summer.
Assuming you go to school,
And your parents don’t make you work.

When you are a grown-up,
Nothing comes slower than vacation,
And you need a day off beforehand to plan,
And a couple of days off afterwards to relax.

So, when you book your vacation,
Make sure you have days on either side blocked.
Otherwise you end up with 5pm meetings,
Conference calls, and other stresses.

I am probably going to need vacation,
To recover from my vacation.
But I can’t afford to be away that long.
That is stressful in itself.

Vacations should not cause stress.
But they usually do.
I miss summer.
I miss Christmas.
I’m late for a meeting.

Sense of Urgency

“A sense of urgency” is MBA-speak.
It often seems like an empty phrase,
Simply meant to build team motivation.
Then, you find people who are missing it.

Work sucks sometimes.
Well, most of the time.
That’s why it’s called “work”,
Rather than “play” or “candy.”
This is an important lesson.

I’m coming very close to having
To use a phrase in the office
That I never wanted to use.
One reserved for dire emergencies.

My wife will think this means
I am about to curse at someone.
(Technically, cursing is calling God down to do harm.
I usually just drop f-bombs. I don’t really expect to have sex.)

I’m not going to curse, although I would feel better.
I’m not going to imply someone should sleep with other species.
I am just going to have to take a deep breath, and say,
Suck it up, buttercup. The deadline is today.”

I lost my sense of urgency for a while once.
I found it when I heard my boss coming down the hall.
(As Douglas Adams said, “I love deadlines. I like the
whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”)

A sense of urgency doesn’t mean killing yourself,
But it does mean a day’s worth of work takes a day.
If it takes a week or more, you might not have a
Very strong sense of urgency.

You might just be distracted. Or multitasking.
However, I don’t’ think that’s always the case.
Most times, you’ve just lost your sense of urgency.
Did you look under your chair?

Monday Morning

Woof. Woof. Woof.
Oh. God. No. It’s Monday.
Four out of five dogs are asleep.
One Shih-Tzu without a snooze button.

I did not have enough fun this weekend
To explain feeling this bad right now.
How am I hung-over without drinks?
Time to find my motivation.

A shower always helps.
Except on Mondays.
On Mondays, it just makes you damp.
Maybe I should work at home.

Let’s see. It’s ten after seven.
Meetings start at nine.
So, I’m already late for work.
I hate Dallas traffic.

I would just call in sick, but
I’m not in third grade anymore,
And Mom wouldn’t come make soup.
(She didn’t last Monday, anyway.)

Spousal Unit just reminded me
That her first appointment is at noon.
She will be back in bed before I leave.
I will poison her coffee on the way out.

It’s time to go.