A Short Story

Graham Gnome
Graham Gnome

My name is Graham.
I am a Gnome.
I am so bored.
I’m stuck at home.

I want to swim.
I want to surf.
I need a friend.
I’ll date a Smurf.

I am off to sail,
Across the sea.
I need a cruise.
Will you go with me?

Quarantine Learning

While we are all here on lockdown,
Just sitting at home has lost its thrills.
So, I am working on self-improvement.
I am taking the time to increase my skills.

Last week, I studied to be a mob boss.
I learned to show no mercy.
Now, I have to find my associates.
I just don’t want to move to Jersey.

This week, I learned to be a King.
Assuming it’s like being a Queen.
I will kindly rule my Empire,
I need a crown and some caffeine.

Today, I learned to run a crab boat.
“Captain” has been on my bucket list.
Now, I just need to get a boat.
Then, I have a crew to enlist.

I was learning to be a survivor,
But it didn’t last too long.
It’s just office committee politics,
Where the weak outvote the strong.

Next week, I’ll run a rescue,
Although it may be life or death.
It doesn’t sound too difficult,
I hear you need tigers and some meth.

Questions of the Day

The government writes checks to take up the slack,
Why are people so happy to get their own money back?

The government knows where to send everyone’s cash,
So is the census just doing a rehash?

Lord, what a failure this program has been.
Why do we trust these bastards again?


Raise a glass, shed a tear, I’m getting old, the end is near.

Happy Birthday to me.
I’ll just watch some TV.
We’re all still on lockdown.
Happy Birthday to me.

I planned a little birthday trip,
It would’ve been quite fun.
Now, we’re quarantined at home,
The trip has been undone.

Sixty will be a Facetime birthday.
“It’s fun!”, my dear wife said.
I’ll see my brother’s smiling face,
And the top of my Mom’s head.

Happy Birthday to me.
I loathe Twenty-Twenty.
I’m going stir-crazy,
Happy Birthday to me.

Fifty-nine (Last Day)

My last day at fifty-nine years old.
Tomorrow’s the big 6-0.
There’s no big celebrations,
Quarantine’s the status quo.

The decade started with joining AARP
At least I didn’t exit in a hearse.
The next one must be better,
I know it can’t get no worse.

Alexa en Español

I set Alexa into Spanish mode.
I didn’t know you could.
My friends think it’s crazy.
They don’t know why I would.

I can’t ask her any questions now.
So why did I make the swap?
While I don’t know weather in Alsaka,
It means my wife can’t shop.