Lemon Meringue Pie
My favorite pie, except
Maybe Pecan Pie
Author: John Ellsworth
Schedule
I mentor evenings as a volunteer.
This must mean my time is not valuable.
I have a calendar so clients can schedule meetings.
I let them schedule, so it is convenient for them.
Many of them still do not show up.
How do you miss an appointment you scheduled?
This may be why you need mentoring.
Monday
My network password broke.
I waited ten minutes for the help desk.
I was added to an afternoon meeting.
I couldn’t find the files I needed.
I had a lovely salad for lunch.
Yes, it was a Monday.
Feed the Neighborhood
“Let’s feed the birds”, she said.
“They all look cold and hungry.”
This meant more than day-old bread.
This became an industry.
The poles went up across the lawn.
They held the many feeders.
Different birds were ever drawn.
Some of them were breeders.
Birds cannot a secret keep.
Someone told the squirrels.
We watched the varmints learn to leap,
To feed based on the bird’s referrals.
The squirrels told a rabbit.
Bunny Mom brought her babies.
Now, there were holes in the lawn.
I hope they don’t have rabies.
The bunny attracted a cat.
Cats don’t want to eat seeds.
The cat will kill little bunnies.
One of some very evil deeds.
The cat never came back,
After the bunnies fled the nest.
It really was a shame it left,
Since rats were our next guests.
Squirrels, bunnies, cats, rats.
All because we fed the birds.
I think we’ll put the food away.
You can mark my words.
Bliss Haiku
Bean and cheese nachos.
Cheese enchiladas onions.
Margarita (large).
Graham Gnome
My name is Graham.
I am a gnome.
I love to travel
Far from home.
I have been on a ship.
I’ve been in a car.
Sometimes on a plane.
Always near a bar.
I love the islands.
They’re where I’m from.
The warm tropical breeze.
The constant rum.
My next travels?
I don’t know.
I’m always packed.
I’m ready to go.
Proctology Final Exam
You have accomplished much to date.
You’ve passed all the exams,
You were never late.
There remains one final test.
It’s been called unfair by some,
But it’s really for the best.
Before you perform your first exam,
One important detail remains.
So your patients don’t scram.
Quickly now! We shall not linger.
We merely check the length and width.
Please present your index finger.
Slot Pull
Many ships have casinos.
Casinos help cruises make money.
Cruises need to make money
Since everything else is so cheap.
You can play the slots alone.
Watching your money fade away.
After losing alone gets boring,
You can join a slot pull.
A slot pull is a group of people
Taking turns on the same machine.
A slot pull is actually a triumph
Of peer pressure.
You don’t make money on slots.
You have the receipts to show.
Slot pullers all know you don’t
Make money playing slots.
So, let’s pool our money,
And we’ll all get rich!
It’s actually a fun way
Spending time with new friends.
If you win,
You share the riches.
When you lose,
You share the blame.
Plus, you can wander off
To get another drink.
But turning $20 into $7
Is not really getting rich.
Even if you did spend
An hour playing slots.
The Fourth
Writer’s Block.
It starts early this year.
I have nothing to say.
My wife shed a tear.
Not.
Rats
This Spring, there are rats.
They run around my yard.
I know that I can’t chase them.
It’s really, really hard.
Mom called some guy.
He put little boxes around.
I don’t know what’s in them.
They don’t make a sound.
I want to taste the boxes.
I think they have some treats.
Dad won’t let me sniff them.
That means it may be sweets.
There’s a rat on the porch.
I think he’s playing dead.
I thought he tasted funny,
When I crunched his little head.
Dad made me drop the rat.
“Leave it!”, he squawks.
I think the rat smelled funny.
He smelled like the little box.