Pain

Resource Action

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

I did not get fired this week.
Neither did most of my friends.
Some of my friends were told
They should find new jobs.
Immediately.

One was told she had four weeks
To find a job outside the company.
Excuse me, if you’re terminated,
Don’t you have the rest of your life?

I suppose this is a kinder, gentler firing.
At least for the managers.
If it’s a resource action,
You don’t have to fire anyone.
Some resources just got moved.
Away.

I hate MBA-speak.
You fired the poor bastards.
They are not resources.
They are people.
Grow a pair.

Also, I know the jobs are different,
But it’s still a bit uncool
To be hiring outsiders
During a resource action.
Just sayin’.

Morning Commute

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

To the tune of “Frere Jacques”

Road construction. Road construction.
LBJ. LBJ.
Seems to last forever. Seems to last forever.
In my way. In my way.

Diuretic, Diuretic
Makes you pee, Makes you pee.
Now I’m stuck in traffic, Now I’m stuck in traffic.
Woe is me. Woe is me.

Wait. I have a question.

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

Can you kill someone in the audience?
Say, if you were in a work presentation,
And somebody asked a lot of questions.
I mean, a whole lot of questions.

Here’s the tricky part to consider.
The questions have to be really inane.
This is determined by the length of time
Required to answer the question.
Also, by the length of time
Required to get back on topic.

The simple way to tell is by the hair
On the back of the speakers’ neck.
If it’s standing up, congratulations.
You are not alone in your annoyance.

So, should I do the speaker a favor,
And choke the questioner?
Or do I just wait for someone else?
I’m confused about the protocol.

This is why people sleep in meetings.
It’s self-defense against idiots.

Silence Is Golden

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

I had a great closing line for a poem today.
I just couldn’t come up with the lines before it.
Then, I realized my brain was probably protecting me.
Sometimes, the brain knows best.

Sometimes, it’s best not to write anything at all.
Especially when you realize it may be slander.
Then, you realize it’s actually libel, since
Slander is said.

Always remember slander is said. Both start with “S”.

See how I’ve managed to distract you from the point?
Now you will wonder who was going to be libeled.
You will have to just keep wondering.

I would slander the person in question,
But only after enough drinks.
That way, I could speak freely,
And nobody would remember.

Slander is safer. 

Another mnemonic.

So, there was something useful from all this crap.

Perhaps.

Spring Training

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

I skipped spring training this year.
I went on a cruise, instead.
Now, I am paying the price.
And not just the verbal abuse.

It’s Opening Weekend,
A three-night home stand.
One more night to go.
I am suffering. Mightily.

I forgot about the late hours.
Games all start at seven.
Now, I’m sleep-deprived and have no time to rest.
I will have to schedule conference calls Monday.

I forgot about the post-game discussions.
First, beer is required. I handled that part.
However, I didn’t do my research on baseball topics,
Such as lack of hitting and boob jobs.

I’m hoping I still make the team,
But I will have to step up my game.
The management is watching.
I hope they let me keep my season tickets.

I will never skip Spring Training again.

Reincarnation

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

Once I was a big fat Cat,
But the cats were chased away.

I returned as an effete cowboy
But only on game day.

Now, I came back as a Hog,
In this life I’ll have to stay.

But I’ll always be an asshole,
It is my one true way.

Volunteering

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

Volunteering is a wonderful human trait.
You help others for no expected return.
You do feel good about yourself.
More importantly, someone gets helped.

Someone could be a person or an animal.

I live with a volunteer, in fact.
Anything needs rescuing?
Anything needs cooking?
Anything needs watching?
Anything at all?
She’s got it covered.
She’s on it.

This can be quite painful.
I am the spouse of a volunteer.
The military term is “in the cross-fire.”
If anything goes amiss, I will hear about it.
I may even be blamed for it.
If nothing else, I will be impacted.
The military term is “slight negative impact.”
Like a bomb hitting the wrong house.
Oops.

This seems unfair.

So many people do good in the world.
Some do a little, some do a lot.
There are lots of people needing help, as well.
So, maybe  it’s time to let someone new step up.

So, I beg you (again.)
The next time an opportunity arises.
The next time you can jump in and save the day.
Do one thing for me.
Shut up.

Stress

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

Stress is good,
People will say,
Because it means
You’re still alive.

However,
There are times
Like right now,
When I would forfeit
Some of my stress,
Even if meant that
People wondered about me.
(I’m not dead, I just haven’t showered yet.)