Random Thoughts
Columbus on a Cruise
Imagine if Columbus didn’t have
The Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria.
What if he just took Norwegian?
Sailing out of Barcelona.
Nothing but blue skies and blue seas.
(Maybe a Carnival ship, but that’s confusing.)
“Sir! We’re out of salt tack!”
The buffet is on deck 10.
Washy, Washy. Happy, Happy.
“Sir! I burned my eyes with the sextant.”
Why aren’t you using the GPS?
Why are we steering manually, anyway?
“Sir! When will we arrive?”
We should be in Miami on Tuesday.
I’ll be in the casino.
Saturday
Saturday is really boring.
All I hear is puppies snoring.
After the week that I just had,
A boring day is never bad.
Easter Meditations
For God so loved the world,
He sent His only begotten Son.
Apparently, He also sent
Chocolate bunnies and
Multi-colored eggs.
Yet, He also created a week
That is one-seventh Mondays.
After yesterday’s Monday,
I’m thinking He’s batting .500
Which is still not bad.
Death and Taxes
I prefer death.
(What? Too short?)
We should be able to
Earmark our tax dollars.
Pick the programs you need.
Pay for what you believe in.
Pick what you want.
Pay for what sounds sexy.
Defund the wasteful.
(Since Congress won’t.)
I bet NASA and the military
Would get fully funded
(from the fly-over states.)
We like guns and astronauts.
Welfare would get slashed,
Because people in power
Just want to help the poor
With your money,
Not with their own.
We’d have less bridges to nowhere.
We’d have less weird studies.
We might have more security.
We might get out of debt.
Do you know why they passed an amendment
For the government to collect income taxes?
Because only an idiot would give
The government his money voluntarily.
Retirement
I don’t have to go to the office.
I don’t have to read email.
I don’t have any meetings.
No projects today will fail.
I can spend time with my honey.
I can spend time with my dogs.
I would spend time with them,
But they’re all snoring like logs.
I’ve had four cups of coffee.
I had a piece of cake.
I’m trying to keep busy,
But it’s hard to stay awake.
Years of changing bosses,
Always fearing getting fired.
Six hours into retirement,
Do you think I can get rehired?
Weekend
My brain is off.
I can’t restart it.
Maybe after a nap.
Maybe tomorrow.
Scraps (Failed Lyrics)
Good-bye, Ruby Tuesday,
You’ve become an Applebee’s.
Drought
I got nothin’.
Day 3 and blank.
A new low.
I would write about money,
But that’s just depressing.
I could talk about work,
But that’s just stressing.
I could remember growing up,
But I’m still repressing.
I could talk about God,
And ask His blessing.
(I could talk about the Ranch,
But that’s just dressing.)
Maybe blank wasn’t so bad.
Hondo
I’m walking home from Hondo,
Without a penny to my name,
Just trying to reach D’Hanis,
Before I pull up lame.
I sold my horse at auction
Threw the saddle in the deal.
Then, I sold my F250,
So I could buy my kids a meal.
I’m walking home from Hondo,
Just trying to bear the pain.
If you want to ease my walking, Lord,
Just send me down some rain.