Random Thoughts

Time is Relative

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

An hour is always sixty minutes,
But the minutes seem to be different lengths.
I’m sure there’s a logical explanation,
But if there is physics involved, I’m lost.

Consider these scenarios:
There’s an hour before you leave for work.
Whoosh! Where did that hour go?
There’s an hour before you leave for home.
Tick. Tick. Tick. Freakin’ Tick. Tick. Tick.

So, this is probably a relativity issue,
But as I said, physics is not my forte.
I know e = mc^2 but that’s energy and mass.
Why didn’t Einstein work on something critical?

So, I would say pm = am * pa^2, as in
Your perceived minutes are
Actual minutes times potential annoyance, squared.
As potential annoyance approaches infinity,
Your time will stand still.

This has been tested in various meetings at work,
And by listening to people talk about their vacations.
I didn’t test by having someone talk about religion,
Because I didn’t have the time.

6-4-3

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

We spend a lot of time
Dwelling on the offense.
Who’s close to a thousand yards?
Who’s got the highest slugging average?

Offense scores points, and points win games.
So, naturally, we get obsessed.
This is wrong.

Sometimes, we should look at the other side.
Defense may seem boring at first.
All it does is prevent points.

However, preventing points helps win, too.
Just ask companies that cut costs
Instead of raising sales.

Some defense can win games.
Say, a double play in the ninth.
You’re out! You’re out, too!

It’s even more beautiful than a home run.
Maybe because there are more people involved.
A home run slugger stands alone.
A double play requires teamwork.

Hot Potato

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

This sounds like a wonderful project!
I’m sure that it will work out splendidly.
In fact, I know just the person to help you with it.

He’s not available at the moment,
But I know he will be happy to jump on it.
I will send you his email with an intro,
So you should feel free to call him anytime.

I will just get out of the way now,
Since I don’t want to impede your progress.
This sounds like a critical project,
So I want the right people on it.

I’m glad I could help!

Conference Calls

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

A conference call is a lonely place. 
Since it’s all on the phone, 
Not face to face. 

At least you can do other crap.
While this may sound rude, 
It’s more useful than a nap.

You can’t just drop the line,
Since there will be a beep,
And that’s an obvious sign.

You should put your phone on mute.
In case you loudly snore, 
Or play the flute. 

Just listen for your name,
Always be ready to reply, 
Or you will get the blame. 

Baseball

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

Twenty-seven outs per team.
It’s what you do between them,
That’s what matters.

I appreciate a sport that has
A playbook that says,
“Hit it where they ain’t”.

At our local minor league park,
The umpires’ introductions?
Sponsored by the Lions Club.
(Go Google what they do. It’s hilarious.)

Baseball is a sport anyone can play,
And statisticians all adore.
Someday, I will write a thesis
On the linear relationship
Between beer and runs batted in.

The fans’ beer at the game or the team’s beer from the night before.
I assume one would be
An inverse relationship.

Baseball is.
Baseball was.
Baseball shall be.
The rest is horseshit.

 

Thanks, Joseph!

What Was It?

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

I had a title for this work.
It was short and clever.
The poem flowed from it.
Will I remember it? Ever?

It had to with my dogs.
Or a reflection on life.
Maybe my house.
Possibly the wife.

Someday, I’ll remember it.
I’m sure it will come back.
I’m pretty sure it’s brilliant.
I’ll be back on track.

Day Off

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

It finally happened.
After writing something
Every day since April,
I missed a day.

Hey, I was traveling.
I was tired.
I was blocked.

Ok, I forgot.

So, back at it today.
My apologies.

He’s Dead, Jim

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

“He’s dead, Jim”.

A doctor’s final diagnosis.
A catch-phrase of sorts. 
Another reminder not to
Wear red in space. 

Death is much easier on TV
Than in real life.
On TV, “He’s dead, Jim”
Then, a commercial.
Or the next scene.

In real life, it’s more complex.
Funerals, wills, codicils. 
You find out who your friends are.
You spend inordinate amounts of time
On minutia. 

I think it was much easier on TV.
It certainly was cleaner. 
Also, the Enterprise only had a five-year mission.
If they went through probate every time
Bones said “He’s dead, Jim”, 
It would have been a much longer series.

 

Paperwork

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

You know what’s fun?
Not paperwork. 
Well, it’s fun to test new signatures,
Sometimes. 

It’s amazing to me how much paper we create.
Some of it is useful.
Most of it is filed, then tossed away.
Maybe shredded, if nobody should see.

If nobody should see,
Did we really need it in the first place? 

Tomorrow, go to the office, 
Find one of your colleagues,
And say, “Do you have that form from last March?”

If they do, 
Just say “Hoarder!” 
And walk away. 

Better yet, just send him an email.

Family Style

~ kjgilhooly ~ Leave a comment

We ate dinner at a “family style” restaurant.
This is an interesting concept.
I’m not sure who invented it.

To their marketing team, it means
You have platters of food and you serve yourself.

To someone who married an Italian, it means
You have a loud discussion between courses,
And a fight over dessert.

Oops.

We’ve been asked to find another restaurant.
I guess I shouldn’t have told the waitress
She was dressed like a slut.