One last meeting
Before I can go home.
But I’m in India,
So it’s your first meeting.
Video conferencing is the bomb.
Teams can be anywhere,
And still can get together.
The world is one conference room.
It’s 5:30pm in Bangalore.
It’s 2:00pm in Budapest.
It’s 7:00am in Dallas.
We can still all meet.
I’m the one in Dallas.
I haven’t had enough coffee.
There may not be enough coffee.
Time zones are a bitch.
I can’t sleep.
I’m not sure why.
I’m in bed.
I’m in the dark.
What else can I try?
I know one sure cure.
It works every day.
I need to go online.
I need to find a meeting.
Then, I’ll hit the hay.
Even on a ship,
People are in cocoons.
There should be a way
To have some interactions.
I found an easy way.
Wander down the halls.
Look for “Do Not Disturb.”
Change to “Make Up Cabin.”
You have allowed people
To meet their cabin steward.
Bringing people together.
Feel good about yourself.
The definition of “early” should be
A picture of a sleeping dog,
With one eye opened (barely),
Looking up as you get out of bed,
And thinking “You’re kidding, right?”
I hate early morning meetings.
I really hate those early meetings
That I fight rush-hour traffic to attend,
Only to find they aren’t actually happening.
People would be violently punished,
But I’m too tired to move.
I think they know this, otherwise,
The meeting would have happened.
An hour is always sixty minutes,
But the minutes seem to be different lengths.
I’m sure there’s a logical explanation,
But if there is physics involved, I’m lost.
Consider these scenarios:
There’s an hour before you leave for work.
Whoosh! Where did that hour go?
There’s an hour before you leave for home.
Tick. Tick. Tick. Freakin’ Tick. Tick. Tick.
So, this is probably a relativity issue,
But as I said, physics is not my forte.
I know e = mc^2 but that’s energy and mass.
Why didn’t Einstein work on something critical?
So, I would say pm = am * pa^2, as in
Your perceived minutes are
Actual minutes times potential annoyance, squared.
As potential annoyance approaches infinity,
Your time will stand still.
This has been tested in various meetings at work,
And by listening to people talk about their vacations.
I didn’t test by having someone talk about religion,
Because I didn’t have the time.
This sounds like a wonderful project!
I’m sure that it will work out splendidly.
In fact, I know just the person to help you with it.
He’s not available at the moment,
But I know he will be happy to jump on it.
I will send you his email with an intro,
So you should feel free to call him anytime.
I will just get out of the way now,
Since I don’t want to impede your progress.
This sounds like a critical project,
So I want the right people on it.
I’m glad I could help!
A conference call is a lonely place.
Since it’s all on the phone,
Not face to face.
At least you can do other crap.
While this may sound rude,
It’s more useful than a nap.
You can’t just drop the line,
Since there will be a beep,
And that’s an obvious sign.
You should put your phone on mute.
In case you loudly snore,
Or play the flute.
Just listen for your name,
Always be ready to reply,
Or you will get the blame.
Just shoot me now.
I have to survive it.
I’m just not sure how.