Conflict of Interest

Editor’s Note: This is from a non-scientific study, but results are interesting.

Dogs sleep 19 hours a day (or so.)
They’re really not very active at all.
They will show up for all mealtimes,
Or sometimes, just to catch a ball.

So, eighty percent per day asleep,
A vast amount of total time spent,
Yet, when I take a one-hour nap,
That hour will be in the twenty percent.

Lazy Sunday

I can’t just waste all day
Watching TV shows.
Even if it’s Sunday.

Snapple Facts says
You burn more calories
Sleeping than watching TV.

Thank you, Snapple.
I’m going to exercise now.
I’m going to take a nap.

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

All the dogs go out.
One stayed behind.


Some dogs are pointers.
Some are retrievers.
Ripley is a napper.

Mom leads all the dogs out.
Well, the dogs lead Mom out.
Nails on tile clicking.

Dad struggles to awaken.
He’s alone for a moment.
Or is he?


There’s a napper.
He’s still in his crate.
Door’s wide open.

He is not coming out.
Not voluntarily.
Eight AM is much too early.

Ripley looks at Dad.
Ripley is thinking,
“This isn’t the dog you’re looking for.”

Dad starts towards the crate.
“You can go about your business.”
Dad thinks for a minute.

Dad hesitates, confused.
“Move along.”
Dad goes for coffee.

Ripley is a Jedi napper.


It’s a quiet morning.
Everyone got up for a potty break.
Then, everyone went back to bed.
Everyone except me.

I can’t.

Once I’m awake, that’s it.
I stay awake.
My wife says the same thing.
I will remind her when she wakes up.
For the second or third time today.

My dogs appreciate my not going back to sleep.
Then, they can inherit my side of the bed.
Secretly, they try to wake my wife.
Half a king size bed is not enough space,
If there is a whole one available
For the price of a couple of licks and growls.

So, instead of sleep, I drink coffee
To the sound of a snoring Shih-Tzu
Who is too short to get on the bed.
She has a pillow. She’s happy.

I would like to sleep like my dogs.
Instantly. Any time. Anywhere.
Give a dog a pillow and he’s out.
Hell, give a dog a floor and he’s out.

They are storing energy for when it’s needed.
There is going to be a major crisis someday.
At least we will have stored dog energy against it.
Whatever the crisis may be.

If dogs could talk,
If you asked a question,
Any question at all,
The answer would probably be,
“Let me sleep on it.”