A Bird’s Saga

Daddy said, “It’s time to fly!”
I did not know it’s do or die.
I heard the coffee start to perk,
Then he and Mom went off to work.

Today, I left my little bed.
I fell and cracked my little head.
As I tried to clear my brain,
Help appeared to stop my pain.

A Chihuahua stopped to render aid.
He picked me up from where I laid.
I heard his Dad yell, “Rocky, NO!”
Why won’t he let him help me so?

Ouch. I feel teeth upon my back.
I think I may become a snack.
Wait. He dropped me on the grass.
His Dad just saved my feathered ass.

Some lady put me in a box.
She took me quickly, like a fox.
Wait. Fox is not the best example.
Foxes also like a bird to sample.

The lady put me outside the fence.
I’m starting to regain my sense.
I wonder how I get back home.
I should fly and not just roam.

I don’t know where I go from here.
At least there is no dog to fear.
I have a pain all through my head.
The lesson? Don’t get out of bed.


Katie’s Blues

I want it heard across the nation!
I am dying of starvation!
And I only had sixteen hours of sleep.

My parents say they need me,
But they never seem to feed me.
At least never more than twice a day.

I’m lying softly on their bed,
Waiting desperately to be fed.
And now, I think I have to pee.

I need this door unlocked.
I’ve knocked and knocked and knocked.
My paws can’t turn this stupid handle.

I’ll just go back to sleep.
I won’t even make a peep.
No-one knows the pain I’m in.

Sigh.

Elements

Someone once said that
The two most common elements
Were hydrogen and stupidity.
This person did not have a Chihuahua.

If he had, the phrase would have been
The top three elements, and the
Most prevalent of all would have been
lovely, shedding Chihuahua hair.

I went to Peoria, Illinois on business.
It was far away from hearth and home.
I had my computers and my clothes,
And in my suitcase, Chihuahua hair.

My wife is having a midlife crisis.
She dyed her hair purple and blue.
The crisis was just a cover story.
She just wants to know which hair is hers.

If my wife had replaced Neil Armstrong,
The quote for history would have been
“That’s one small step for man …
Dammit! Where is all this hair from?”

Really?
Do you need to ask?

Watching the Guard

Whenever we’re away,
We thought our dogs would play.
Well, my wife did.
I was pretty sure they snoozed.

Rocky’s in his condo crate,
Behind a little doggie gate,
So, Katie is really the guard.
She has the rest of the house.

This week, I got a PuppyCam,
So Katie got her guard exam.
She failed.
Well, not completely.

Her Mom’s chair was secure.
She watched my couch, for sure.
Anything not between the couch and chair,
Pretty much fair game for invaders.

We were almost back home,
So, Rocky and Katie was still alone.
Then, my wife said,
“Hey! Let’s call her!”

I opened up the app,
Gave the mic a tap,
And said, “Hi, Katie!”
She bounded for the door.

Oops. Now, I feel bad.
My wife is feeling sad.
Well, we’ll be home soon.
Katie started crying.

Well, there goes my heart.
It’s broken apart.
We’re still a half-mile away.
So, I told her, “Soon.”

We got home at last,
She still looked harassed.
I think she got extra food.
I think she forgave us.

We won’t spy anymore,
From outside the door.
It’s caused too much strife.
We’ll just watch the neighbors.

Rocky’s Adventure

I hate to go outside at night.
It’s very spooky after dark.
There’s danger everywhere you look.
I just have to dodge and bark.

We were watching “Wheel of Fortune”,
Someone tried to buy a vowel.
Then my Mom sent me in the back yard,
And I was scooped up by an owl.

We went flying around the cul-de-sac,
We were flying really low.
I guess I was a bit too heavy,
But Mr. Owl wouldn’t let me go.

I felt his beak nibble me,
His next act was very rude.
He spit me back in my yard.
Owls don’t like Mexican food.

Rocky’s Lament

Mom called me in from the yard.
She called me “Chihuahua.”
I think she forgot my name.
How did this happen?

I was told my Grandma
Called dogs by their color.
She never remembered names.
I never met her, but
I know she loved dogs.

Mom loves dogs.
She’s forgetting names.
I wonder if Mom will
Start watching stories?

Mom’s Lament

Nobody loves me,
Everybody hates me,
Guess I’ll go eat worms.

My dogs don’t love me,
Unless I’m bearing treats.
I try to hug and kiss them,
Guess I’ll admit defeats.

I let them out to play.
I feed them two squares a day.
They pee on the floor, it’s OK.
Their hair makes me sneeze more than hay.

Am I bitter?
Not even a bit.
So, they sit by Dad.
I won’t have a snit.

They really love me.
I’m sure of that.
But if I find they don’t,
I’m getting me a cat.

Murphy’s Lament

Mom, why are you bleeping?
Can’t you see I’m sleeping?

I don’t need to pee outdoors.
I already did, over on the floor.

Is it time for me to eat?
If not, I’m going back to my seat.

I don’t like the lady with the scoop.
She harvests all the tasty poop.

You’re putting drops in my eyes?
Where is my tasty cookie prize?

Katie’s Further Lament

Mommy woke me from my nap.
Lordy, what a load of crap.

I was deep inside a dream,
With a bowl of squirrel ice cream.

Then, I found myself awake.
She gave my little tail a shake.

I wish I had a can of Mace,
Or the energy to chew her face.

Instead, I’ll go outside and pee.
As I think, “Oh, woe is me.”

Rocky said, “Oh, woe is I.”
He’s such an educated guy.

Now, I lay me down to sleep.
My Mommy is a little creep.

I will chase her to New Delhi,
If she blows a bubble on my belly.