Six-hour meeting.
Just shoot me now.
I have to survive it.
I’m just not sure how.
Office
Wait. I have a question.
Can you kill someone in the audience?
Say, if you were in a work presentation,
And somebody asked a lot of questions.
I mean, a whole lot of questions.
Here’s the tricky part to consider.
The questions have to be really inane.
This is determined by the length of time
Required to answer the question.
Also, by the length of time
Required to get back on topic.
The simple way to tell is by the hair
On the back of the speakers’ neck.
If it’s standing up, congratulations.
You are not alone in your annoyance.
So, should I do the speaker a favor,
And choke the questioner?
Or do I just wait for someone else?
I’m confused about the protocol.
This is why people sleep in meetings.
It’s self-defense against idiots.
Ping
“Ping” goes the computer.
All bloody day long.
It means I have new email.
That little one-note song.
I haven’t heard it for weeks.
My computer stayed at home.
I didn’t really miss it.
It was quiet while I roamed.
Now, it’s back.
Back with a vengeance, I’d say.
I’m going to have to mute the speakers.
I’ll turn the volume back Monday.
Back on the Chain Gang
Yesterday, 146,000 gross tons of metal became the Norwegian Breakaway.
(The metal was assembled in 73 blocks. I learned that onboard.)
This seems really strange, since we have been sailing on her for a week.
Still, technicalities are important at sea, and now she has been christened.
Now, she is a ship.
We were just on a test drive.
It was an interesting week. A fun week. A long and short week.
I never got seasick. I was a bit queasy in the “fresh gale” winds.
(If you feel queasy sailing, go outside, look at the horizon and breathe.)
Now, I’m home.
I’m going to work today.
I was home yesterday, even though I tried to catch up on work.
Reading emails all day. Trying to fix the home mail server.
I was bad and skipped my one meeting.
Shoot me.
Still, a long day staring at the screen.
It’s easier on the eyes to stare at the ocean.
Or a daiquiri.
So, now I’m on solid ground.
Nothing rocks me to sleep any more.
I don’t walk like I’m drunk.
(OK, maybe I was drunk.)
Still, the queasiness remains.
I think I’m landsick.
Cube Farm
A cube farm is a very productive place.
Not in terms of work, since there are meetings,
But in terms of raw crop production.
In many farms, there are two harvests,
Spring crops and others in the Fall.
Some farms only have one.
(Shine on, harvest moon.)
In a cube farm, there are four harvests.
Each one happens a week or so after quarterly reports.
The numbers come out from the headquarters,
Then, it’s “Hey, has anyone seen Bill?”
A cube farm is probably the only farm
That has going-away parties for its crops.
Other farms just load crops in the truck
And ship them off to market.
Sense of Urgency
“A sense of urgency” is MBA-speak.
It often seems like an empty phrase,
Simply meant to build team motivation.
Then, you find people who are missing it.
Ouch.
Work sucks sometimes.
Well, most of the time.
That’s why it’s called “work”,
Rather than “play” or “candy.”
This is an important lesson.
I’m coming very close to having
To use a phrase in the office
That I never wanted to use.
One reserved for dire emergencies.
My wife will think this means
I am about to curse at someone.
(Technically, cursing is calling God down to do harm.
I usually just drop f-bombs. I don’t really expect to have sex.)
I’m not going to curse, although I would feel better.
I’m not going to imply someone should sleep with other species.
I am just going to have to take a deep breath, and say,
“Suck it up, buttercup. The deadline is today.”
I lost my sense of urgency for a while once.
I found it when I heard my boss coming down the hall.
(As Douglas Adams said, “I love deadlines. I like the
whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”)
A sense of urgency doesn’t mean killing yourself,
But it does mean a day’s worth of work takes a day.
If it takes a week or more, you might not have a
Very strong sense of urgency.
You might just be distracted. Or multitasking.
However, I don’t’ think that’s always the case.
Most times, you’ve just lost your sense of urgency.
Did you look under your chair?