Vacation Day

Vacation Day is like Christmas Day.
It changes as you age.
When you’re young, excitement.
When you’re older, stress and rage.

Where is the camera?
What’s in this bag?
Where’s the pet sitter?
Stop your crying jag!

Where is the taxi?
Isn’t it late?
I’m not ready yet.
I don’t feel so great.

Do we have everything?
What did we forget?
Who’s feeding Mom?
I don’t recall who lost the bet.

I’m almost ready.
Just one more conference call.
Go ahead and start loading.
I’ll be right with y’all.

Close the taxi door.
At last we are away.
Did you transfer all our savings?
Because now we start to pay.

Hey! I’m not hyperventilating.
I’m starting to unwind.
Stress is dissolving.
Real life is off my mind.

Did you turn the coffee pot off?

Sunday

Sunday is a day for family.
Time to spend together, chilling.
This is why God invented wine.
It’s to help prevent the killing.

It’s a time to recall old stories.
Reenact them with force.
Reopen some old wounds.
Then, the pasta course.

I’m not sure the term for
A loud, three-way argument.
There’s the same mutual respect
As in the Houses of Parliament.

There’s lots of good food,
So many emotions to tap.
After eating and discussing,
There may be time for a nap.

Sleep with one eye open.
Just sayin’.

Pop Country Blues – The Girl From New York City

Editor’s Note: There are only so many stories you can tell, and sometimes, the same stories get told different ways. Blind John Ellsworth would occasionally recycle his basic stories, and assume since the target audiences were different, nobody would ever know. For example, what happens if some poor boy meets the same girl in a pop song, a country song and a blues song? These are the stories of the girl from New York City.


Pop

I met a girl
In New York City.
Her friends were loud,
But she was pretty.

We fell in love
All summer long.
When autumn came,
Our love was strong.

We married in Spring,
Our lives were linked.
The years flew by,
As if we blinked.

We grew old together,
We were always in love.
My girl and I, forever,
Are in heaven above.


Country

I met a girl
From New York City.
Her friends were loud,
But she sure was pretty.

They were Florida-bound,
Spring Break and such.
I tried to go with them,
I loved her that much.

We moved back home
To Tennessee.
I loved her madly.
She said she loved me.

One day, I awoke,
And found she was gone.
My New York queen,
Had sacrificed her pawn.

I still miss her badly,
I’ll dream of her tonight.
My New York City girl,
With her eyes shinin’ bright.

I hope she’ll come back.
I hope someday she’ll miss me.
I’m still waiting and hoping,
In the hills of Tennessee.


Blues

I met a girl
In New York City.
Her friends were loud,
But she was pretty.

Moved her to Dallas,
To start a new life.
Bought a house together,
Made her my wife.

Found her sleepin’ with my brother.
She broke my heart that day.
What’s even more disturbing,
Is that my brother is gay.

Made her a cocktail,
Told her she was still mine.
Just filled it up with poison,
Mixed in with her wine.

Buried her last weekend,
Was still sad to see her go.
My girl from New York City,
Now six feet down below.

Rocky Relationship

I thought that you were sexy,
Thought we might go to bed.
Then, when I turned around,
You had a Chihuahua on your head.

20140210-234749.jpg

I still thought that you were pretty,
You’re as pretty as could be.
I wonder if our insurance covers
A Chihuahua-ectomy.

You could have been a pirate,
Your parrot by your side.
Instead, you have a puppy,
Who always likes to hide.

20140210-234910.jpg
Rocky’s such a cute little doggie.
He’s really cute as heck.
I’m glad he’s a Chihuahua,
Since a Cocker would break your neck.

I hope this isn’t forward,
I hope I don’t sound crass.
Your hair smells like Head & Shoulders,
But your shoulders smell like ass.

20140210-234918.jpg

A long time ago

A long time ago,
And far, far away,
I saw her standing there,
Watching some new band play.

The Beatles changed the world.
Their music still resounds.
It’s better than today’s pop,
But this isn’t really about them.

The year before the Sullivan show,
(an even longer time ago),
My wife came into this world.
Not a band, but solo.

Her family pokes fun,
They tell her now she’s old.
She’s the baby, though,
So their insults run cold.

I would never poke fun.
It’s not my style.
I try to honor the aged,
As they begin their final mile.

All I can say is:

Oh, yeah, I tell you something,
I think you’ll understand.
When I tell you something,
I wanna hold your hand.

Mainly because,
I really don’t think
You should cross the street alone.
Not at your age.

Sick Leave

I’m sorry you’re feeling poorly.
While I’m still feeling fine.
I guess I’ll get the bread and cheese,
Since I know you’ll bring the whine.

I’ve found for you the perfect job,
For every long, hot Texas Spring.
You could go and play in center field,
Since you always catch something.

You have a backyard garden,
With plants and herbs and ferns.
Yet, you only need a Petri dish,
What you grow best are germs.

I need to ask your height and weight,
I hope it’s not much trouble.
It’s just this year at Christmastime,
I’m buying you a bubble.

Tardy Slip

I’m not going to let it bother me.
So, we’re just a little late.
It doesn’t really matter much.
I’m still feeling great.

No, I’m not.
I lied a bit back there.
We’re running very late again,
And I’m pulling out my hair.

I wish it didn’t bother me.
Just wandering in whenever.
It’s just it makes me crazy,
Being late forever.

Is it really hard to be on time?
I’ve done it now for years,
But some are just incapable,
They’re causing all my tears.

I guess there’s just one way out,
Besides just going out alone.
Just lie about the starting time,
And hurry out from home.

The only other thing to do,
When you find you’re really stressed,
Is to set all your clocks to Central time,
Even though you’re in the West.

My Opinion

If you ask for my opinion,
I will share it. Freely.
It will not be what I think you want to hear.

If you ask for my opinion,
You will get what I think.
This is probably not what you are thinking.

If you ask for my opinion,
I will tell you why you are wrong.
It’s free. No extra charge.

If you ask for my opinion,
Don’t.

Cell Phone Blues

I gave a girl my number,
Since she was really cute.
She called me sixteen times that night,
But my cell phone was on mute.

So, now I have to call her back,
Since I didn’t pick up her call.
I’m sure she thinks I blocked her,
I didn’t hear my phone at all

My ringtone is a song I like,
I just can’t always tell.
I keep missing ladies calling me,
When I hear “Heartbreak Hotel”.

Love, Today

I wonder what my Love is doing right now?
A question for the ages.
The beginning of many love scenes.
You care about someone wherever they may be.

Here’s how it goes down today.
I’m at work, waiting to get picked up.
We’re going to dinner with my Mom.
I’ve completed all possible tasks for the day.

“I wonder what my Love is doing right now?”
Hop onto Family Locator website
She’s shopping.
Hop onto the bank website.
Holy *&^#@#!!!

Back to Family Locator.
She’s still bloody there!
I’m starving!
Where the hell is she?
(Rhetorical. I just found her.)

So, now, I’m starving.
I’m broke.
I’m annoyed.

I don’t really want to know where she is.
Let’s just leave well enough alone.