Seventeen years, and we’ve learned a lot.
Mostly, I’ve learned a lot,
And most of that was about pets.
So it goes.

I’ve learned that big families are not strange.
(Though some of the members may be.)
I’ve learned that garlic goes in everything.
But I still won’t put it in my tea.

If you want to sleep until 11am,
Just put the dogs to bed at three.
(This requires being awake at three.)
When you walk around barefoot,
You will always find the pee.

A dog is your companion,
A dog will win your hearts.
However, most critically,
A dog takes blame for your farts.

Speaking of emissions,
If you ever gently break wind,
And your dogs all flee the room,
Just realize you have sinned.

Your dog will always be close to you.
Nobody is as faithful as Rover.
He gravitates to anything with your scent.
Always turn your pillow over.

You will notice that eventually,
Everyone in your family gets the same diseases.
So, take good notes the first time around,
And always avoid the one that sneezes.

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